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lyrics

Oh, if I had a set
Of diplomatic plates
I’d get my way with folks you say
My manner irritates
I’d be that lucky guy
That everybody hates
Oh, if I had some diplomatic plates

I’d get exclusive offers
A complimentary glass of wine
I’d demand an upgrade
And they’d let me cut in line
You couldn’t call me cheapskate
When I paid the lowest rates
If I only had some diplomatic plates

I’d park in front of hydrants
Punch patrolmen in the jaw
I’d drink and drive, go ninety five
And break the so-called law
But I’d receive immunity
Behind my mission gates
If I had a set of diplomatic plates

Oh, if I had a set
Of diplomatic plates
You’d have to cut me slack
When I took other girls on dates
I’d be the biggest douche
In these United States
Oh, if I had some diplomatic plates

I’d show up uninvited
And I’d never go away
I’d hire Vegas strippers
And of course I’d make you pay
And I could extradited if you flouted my dictates
If I only had some diplomatic plates

I’d make back-handed compliments
Insult you to your face
I’d tell off-color anecdotes
On religion, sex and race
I’d treat you like I treat you now
Then leave you in bad straits
If I had a set of diplomatic plates

Diplomatic, diplomatic, diplomatic plates
Diplomatic diplomat, your limousine awaits

Oh, if I had a set
Of diplomatic plates
I’d overrule your arguments
I’d win all our debates
And still you’d take me back
Despite my lousy traits
The loser who could never fail
With permanent get-out-of-jail
Oh, if I had some diplomatic plates.

credits

from Pay Attention, released July 1, 2015
Brian Woodbury: vocals; Marc Muller: guitars & bass; David Witham: piano; Andy Sanesi: drums; Chris Tedesco: trumpets. Written & arranged by Brian Woodbury. Co-arranged by Marc Muller.

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Brian Woodbury Los Angeles, California

Brian Woodbury is a Los Angeles composer, lyricist and bandleader who writes musicals, post-modern jazz compositions, quirky pop, country songs and music for children's TV.

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