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1.
Dear listener, excuse me This is important There’s something I need to convey So stop what you’re doing Whatever you’re doing And listen what I have to say ’Cause nothing even comes near this I think I’ve made it clear I really need you to hear this Ready? Pay attention to me Pay attention to me ’Cause this is the place where your attention should be That's all I’m trying to say And I’m not going away-ee -ay So whatever you do Pay attention to me Dear listener, thank you Thank you for listening Now aren't you glad that you know? But let’s not lose focus So don’t put your focus On anywhere else it might go I need your help to complete this To spur you on, I think it might be time to repeat this Pay attention to me Pay attention to me ’Cause this is the place where your attention should be You can't complain that I’m rude If I say “May I intrude?” So, come on, get in the mood To pay attention to me Now I don't want to hear That you have better things to do We all have better things But I have better better things than you Pay attention to me Pay attention to me ’Cause this is the place where your attention should be Until the whole world has heard I’ll just keep spreading the wor-i-ord So whatever you do Pay attention You can sing this song too Nut pay attention It’s not all about you So pay attention to me
2.
George Bush wasn’t behind Nine-Eleven. The moon landing happened on the moon. Lee Harvey Oswald shot JFK And the Rapture won’t be coming soon. President Obama wasn’t born in Kenya. The world wasn’t made in seven days. A chain letter won’t get you a million bucks. William Shakespeare wrote Shakespeare’s plays. Wake up to the real world Wake up to the real world Forget your secret-deal world We need you in the real, real (real, real) real, real world Autism isn’t caused by vaccinations No one just decides to be gay You can’t say global warming’s all a hoax ’Cause it happens to be cold one day People are descended from early primates. UFOs don't come from outer space The Feds won’t be confiscating all of your guns And the Holocaust really took place. Wake up to the real world Wake up to the real world Forget your secret-deal world We need you in the real, real (real, real) real, real world Sure there’s lots Of schemes and plots And questions that still nag But grasp at straws To find the cause, You raise your own false flag AIDS wasn’t something made to kill off black folks And chemtrails aren’t poisoning the skies. But the one thing stopping us from saving the world Is we keep falling for those lies Here’s the real world Wake up to the real world Forget your secret-deal world We need in the real world Wake up to the real world Wake up to the real world Our not-too-late-to-heal world We need you in the real, real (real, real) real, real (real, real) world
3.
You Had Me 04:18
You had me at “Go fuck yourself!” I knew then and there That was just your funny way To show me you care Though I know I’m just a worthless idiot 'Cause you told me so When you said, “Go fuck yourself!” How could I say no? You always were a feisty one I could see that from the first When you trained your beady eyes on me I said hello, you simply cursed Then you made your charm offensive Too offensive to deny Your feelings were so plain to see As you patiently Explained to me “Eat shit and die!” You had me at “Go fuck yourself!” And I should have known That even if I begged you You wouldn’t leave me alone From endearments like “ya stupid douchebag” Your devotion is clear And all those dark secrets You shout in my ear. You love that I am vulnerable I wear my heart on my sleeve. It’s easier for you to break that way Just enough so I don't leave. What really counts is your honesty The most precious gift of all You confess you find my mouth too big And my nose too big And my ass too big And my dick too goddamn small You had me at “Go fuck yourself!” I knew from the start When your crimson-faced hollering First melted my heart I relinquished my immortal soul to you As you cast your spell Turns out you meant your place When you said “Go to Hell!” I thrill to hear you mocking me And it’s music when you scream From the outside it seems a nightmare But me, I’m livin’ the dream I know I don’t deserve you But I do my best, I swear. And I’ m grateful when you ask me “Do you have to drive like a moron? “Didn’t I tell you never wear that shirt? “Why you cryin’, you pussy? “Can’t you man up and grow a pair?” Now it’s hard to ignore That you think love is for the birds But you make my heart soar With those three little words You had me at “go fuck yourself” And I knew there and then I’d be hearing that bold request Again and again and again and again I rely upon your ceaseless badgering To help steer me true And you say “Go fuck yourself!” So that’s what I’ ll do You say “Go fuck yourself!” So I’m stickin’ with you.
4.
Diamond Ring 03:25
Hey there, corporate man Liquidating main street Squeezing what you can from this old town Raiding pension plans Privatizing shoreline All that I built, you’re tearing it down Once I had a trade and plenty opportunity Paid for public schools and played on the team You stayed in your skybox bubble of immunity Livin’ the dream I only can dream ’Cause when you got enough, you wanted more Came the rainy day, you sold the store You floated payday loans until I sank Broke my spirit, then you broke the bank You built your mega-mansion, shut the gate For everybody else, tough luck, too late Now you simply make the markets swing, So, brother, can you spare a di-amond ring? Hey there, mister big Monetizing down time Rigging every game to zero sum You say if I complain I’m asking for a class war Aren’t you the guy who’s beating that drum? First you make believe it’s morning in America Trickin’ me into a trickle down try Then you steal the backstop where the buck used to stop My piece of the pie is pie in the sky, pie in the sky Now I’m just your lowly discount clerk You’re teaching me the value of hard work You’re the job negator, you’re the boss If you make a profit, that’s my loss If I gripe about the wage I earn You say there’s plenty more who’d take my turn And everywhere I look, you pull the string Well, brother, can you spare a diamond ring? When did someone die and make you king? Brother, can you spare a di-amond ring? So lock me up in jail or send me off to war Outsource my job and move your firm offshore You can’t disguise the prize you’re working for Is a government that doesn’t govern anymore ’Cause you’re a rebel, livin' to the max You don’t wanna pay no income tax Other people’s problems are a pain I signal, you don’t let me in your lane Well, you can’t hide behind that tinted glass I am your worst nightmare come to pass And you think you don’t owe me anything Well, brother can you spare a diamond ring! Your first world problem’s gonna sting And, brother can you spare a diamond ring! Brother, can you spare a diamond ring! Brother, can you spare a di-amond ring!
5.
Sailors tell the tales Of flaccid sails In jails of stalemate doldrums Wailing epic fails Awaiting gales To blow them up Or blow them down To fill their cup Or let them drown With blusters thinned They need a second wind Heave ho, boys! What a sight were we My ship and me When first we tasted water Out beyond the lee In open sea How we were hurled Like bantam filigree Our sails unfurled And then set free Inside this airless world Where I’m chagrined To tarry on A second wind Ocean liners pass us by But we don’t even try Their beacons made for beaming out They’re just as lost as we, no doubt From this fallow tide We need a ride A squall to chase our squalor Where we now abide Where once was pride We only hide Beseech Poseidon Don’t rescind Our second wind High and dry! My, but she is yar My avatar A stirring westerly siren Swell, hailed from afar Like C.P.R. At last she shows. How fast she grows Avast, our mast is pinned Hearties, dar she blows A second wind
6.
If every lousy band there was Would just shut up for once because you suck I gave a listen, took a try Now I regret both your and my bad luck You played your song, you had your say You’re so sincere, every cliché comes true The feelings that you want to share I feel your pain just being there Listening to you But you’re rockin’ the house, now You’re havin’ your fun And you’re just gettin’ started I’m already done I’m not going to buy your cd Your facebook friends don’t include me When every lousy band in the world Completely disappears That will be music to my ears That will be music to my ears List every influence you’ve had Like I should write them on a pad Ooh, snap you say you’re working on your sound Or some unique approach you’ve found It’s crap No, I won’t look at your reviews Who cares what kind of amp you use? Turn down Don’t want to sign your mailing list Not sorry ‘bout the tour I missed Stay out of town With your nothing to say And your just-woke-up voice You get everyone listening Like they have no choice The tune’s just no good, can’t they see? Does nobody notice but me? If every lousy band in the world Would forfeit their careers That would be music to my ears That would be music to my ears It’s a big open mic So you scream and you shout Until half the world’s Drowning the other half out It’s not just a matter of taste Your talent’s a good thing to waste Let every lousy band fade away Their mediocre songs never play And on that great and glorious day We’ll finally give three cheers That will be music to our ears That will be music to our ears That will be music to our ears
7.
Murphy Bed 02:51
She took him into her Murphy bed One by one his dreams were shed Everyday a hope was left unsaid Shut the lid And keep it hid Lest anything go wrong There he lingered in her Murphy bed Basking in her sense of dread With each fateful omen duly read Then locked away So she could say She knew it all along And in her life was always room for doubt An inner life she couldn’t do without To spread her disappointment all about The eggshell path he would tread To share her Murphy bed Soon he’s living under Murphy's law Good news chafes and good times gnaw They teeter on a neither-nor seesaw Believe a lie The evil eye That dooms both weak and strong How fortune’s cookie crumbles, who’s to say Just what this Murphy world will next betray? What idle hope could take it all away? That old, cold comforter spread Upon her murphy bed He doesn’t want to be her Murphy man Just finding can’t in anything he can And leaving only would confirm her plan Alas, their fates have been wed He’s locked inside His last place to hide In her Murphy bed
8.
Born 03:11
There is a time. There is a day. There is a rhythm to obey. You find your way, however young You didn’t know it would arrive But you are ready and alive Top of the mornin’ on the tip of your tongue Now the day’s upon us. Now the time is near. This is your deliverance: You are here. It’s your birthday You are born, born, born It's your birthday Time to blow your horn Sendin’ out a shout heard ’round the world That it’s a girl Dig your birthday! And surprise, surprise! Happy birthday! Here’s your first sunrise. Something wondrous happens every day As this old universe learns. And many happy returns Of your birthday. So greet your world, and get three cheers And meet your hopes, defeat your fears Just take it in, fill up each lung. (I’ll teach you.) I’ll teach you reachin’ for the stars Get you the hang of monkeybars Until the furthest fangled flung one is swung Now the day’s upon us Now the time is near Hallelujah chorus You are here Let the mountains sound Let the heavens sing Glory be to life For this newborn thing Let the oceans splash Let the doorbells ring Glory be to life For this newborn thing For this newborn thing (Ah___) It’s your birthday You were born, born, born It's your birthday Time to blow your horn Sendin’ out a shout heard ’round the world That it’s a girl Dig your birthday And surprise, surprise! Happy birthday Here’s your next sunrise Something wondrous happens every year As this old universe learns And many happy returns Of your birthday. And this old universe earns With many happy returns Of your birthday.
9.
New York’s gone It will never be the same Beatniks, queers, squatters and junkies The art slums, the rich bums The fucked-up “fuck you” with a heart of endurance On a path of greatest resistance Faded away to a postmodern post-mortem New York’s gone New York’s gone New York’s gone It will never be the same The bootleggers’ hot jive race-mixing The loudmouth speakeasies The flappers and hoofers The bankers and strikers The crashing high flyers The six A.M. Subway On a path ’neath the grate Air resistance Railroaded out onto Robert Moses Parkway New York’s gone New York’s gone New York’s gone, It will never be the same The immigrant high tides of industry All Whitman’s young soldiers An Erie empire laced with Edison power On a path of least resistance Faded away on a mustard cloud from Verdun New York’s gone New York’s gone New York’s gone New York’s gone It will never be the same George Washington’s first night of congress In old Fraunces Tavern Knickerbockers knocking back pious New England Worn down from wampum in a New York Minuit To sixty Dutch guilders of trinkets and blankets At the point of no point of resistance Leaving no trace but the trail to the Broad Way New York’s gone New York’s gone New York’s gone It will never be the same I sing to myself over and over Long years into exile I took my own leave but I still see it shining In a past of greatest resilience Fading eternally into another dawn New York’s gone New York’s gone As it always goes The way it’s always gone New York’s gone As it always goes And will ever be the same New York’s gone
10.
Used to be the man who sailed the ocean The man who held the reins and drove the plow The man who kept the books and told the stories Once upon a time that isn’t now Then the woman got an intuition The man wouldn’t always have to win She didn’t need to stay inside the castle She didn’t have to take the blame for sin Now it’s the woman’s turn Now’s the time to pry the door open Now it’s the woman’s turn Turn the tide and turn the tables Now it’s the woman’s turn Time for dancing on the glass ceiling Now it’s the woman’s turn To learn to know her place - is everywhere Nowadays the woman is no object As she starts to run the human race A crazy woman driver on a mission To overcome the fear that millions face The fear that woman leads man to temptation The fear he can’t be what he used to be And if the man could learn to show his courage He’d see it’s time to set the woman free Now it’s the man’s turn Now’s the time to hold the door open Now it’s the man’s turn Time to stand up for the woman Now, it’s the man’s turn Put the seat down at the big table Now, it’s the man’s turn To stop and ask her for directions now Now it’s the woman’s turn To use her wiles, help him see reason Now it’s the woman’s turn Do the math, there’s strength in numbers Now it’s the man’s turn Give a hand up, so she’ll get a leg up Now’s everybody’s turn Do-si-do and swing your partner round Soon she’ll know she is free And her life is her own property To take back the night To take back the day Take the future ’cause it’s headed her way No more rape No abuse When biology is not an excuse No means no Yes means yes And you won’t get there until and unless You turn
11.
He wrote himself off He rode off past the edge Of a little too fast He wrote himself a Blank check for An amount more’n However long he’ll manage to last He wrote himself off He’s made his mind a blank That he’ll never fill in He’s challenging A cathode light To a stare fight Nobody cares who’s going to win And if there’s one thing left you could tell him It’s that there’s nothing left to be said ’Cause he’s the bad news Dragging himself around town And he’s the bad news Living it up till he can’t live it down Bad news – it’s like father, like son Bad news, he’s in a dare club of one And he’s the bad news Hiding no feelings of shame Now he’s the bad news So bad it’s giving bad news a bad name Still i see the boy Bad news, why don’t you give me some good news? He knocked himself out He dragged himself on Wrote himself off He wrote himself off And that’s all he wrote. He wrote himself off He lighted up both ends Of a very short fuse He stowed off just to Rock the boat With a doctor’s note He would never bother to use He wrote himself off Relinquished every day To perpetual night He wrote himself an epitaph And the last laugh Plenty of more good reasons to write Let’s drink to nothing in moderation And leaving everything to excess Now here’s the bad news Dragging itself around town And here’s the bad news Giving it up so we won’t live him down Bad news – gone from father to son Bad news – doing what can’t be undone I hear the bad news Never to see him the same And here’s the bad news So bad it’s giving bad news a bad name Still i knew the boy Bad news, ’cause i remember the good news He knocked himself out He dragged himself on Wrote himself off He wrote himself off And that’s all he wrote
12.
There's a billion songs since time began But they’re gone where you can’t use them All the melodies once known to man it’s not like you get to choose them You sing them and then you lose them There’s a billion girls for you to love But far fewer ways to meet them And in all of the girls you’re thinking of Sailing around the sun Stumbling toward your only one Now, how do you know… The only song on earth worth singing Only girl on earth worth loving You’ve no choice But raise your voice To sing it all day long The only song on earth worth singing Only life on earth worth living Till one day It fades away You’ll sing it loud and strong Like it’s the only song You heard the record on the radio Pulled your ride off to the side of the road Played the single till the needle broke You could never get enough When you stood in line to see the show She was sending out a secret code It was obvious before you spoke That you’d never get enough No, you’ll never get enough There’s a billion worlds from one Big Bang You have just your song to teach them But those multi-verses that you sang Will redshift and never reach them No matter how loud you preach them There’s a billion lives inside your life And in every squirt of semen It’s a random roulette and risk is rife But out of the gate you run Hurtling toward the only ever one Now, how does it go? The only song on earth worth singing Only girl on earth worth loving You’ve no choice But raise your voice To sing it all day long The only song on earth worth singing Only life on earth worth living Till one day It fades away You’ll sing it loud and strong ‘Cause it’s the only song ‘Cause it’s your only song
13.
If I had a nickel For every click on YouTube So when you watched this song now I’d make a buckaroo, dude That’s what I would do, newb Off that suckeroo rube That’s what you would do too Doo-doo, doo-doo Every view on YouTube I’d make another nickel Take that to the bank, yeah Every click’ll trickle Drop it in the kitty A nickel for my ditty To make another vide- Uh-oh-oh Gimme a nickel Gimme your hard-earned pay Gimme a reason To get through the working day But I don’t own that YouTube And it don’t work that way, pal So if you add my song now That kinda add don’t pay, pal There’s a pretty penny And someone’s makin’ plenty And I ain’t gettin’ any Nyah-nyah-nyah nyah-nyah Gimme a nickel Gimme your hard-earned pay Give you a reason To get through another day Everybody’s got an angle An edge to push, a break to wangle Up your skirt or whatyacallit There’s a straight shot to your wallet Cyber ceo providers Claim your content as free riders All is fair if you desire it Share the love and be a pirate Yar Gimme a nickel Gimme your hard-earned pay Gimme a reason To get through the working day Gimme a minute Gimme a chance to say Gimme a reason For giving it all away For giving it all away For giving it all away
14.
Asteroid 03:12
Courtney’s in the dark Twenty feet from fame And Kurt is the one She’s his Luna moth Come to fan the flame Of their binary sun She will tag along Until he’s made his name And while he’s shooting up She won’t leave him alone ’Cause she’s riding his asteroid Till he crashes and burns and end of story Leaping into his void In a blaze of glory Riding his asteroid And she won’t have to hold on too much longer Whatever is not destroyed Gonna make her stronger She’s the go wrong-monger to the stars Monica’s a lark Close but no cigar She’ll never be queen In his borrowed light Even from afar She mustn’t be seen Bill just sets her up Like a rising star Until he lets her fall She won’t leave him alone ’Cause she’s riding his asteroid Till she crashes and burns and end of story Leaping into his void In a blaze of glory She’s riding his asteroid And she won’t have to hold on too much longer Whatever is not destroyed Doesn’t make her stronger He’s the do wrong-monger of the stars His gravity pulls us To have it he lulls us Her cavity rules us Depravity fools us And we’re riding their asteroid Till it crashes and burns and end of story Leaping into their void In a blaze of glory We’re riding their asteroid But do we have to keep holding on forever? ’Cause it doesn’t take Sigmund Freud To see what pulls the lever Death is their life’s endeavor And it’s time to sever theirs from ours
15.
Oh, if I had a set Of diplomatic plates I’d get my way with folks you say My manner irritates I’d be that lucky guy That everybody hates Oh, if I had some diplomatic plates I’d get exclusive offers A complimentary glass of wine I’d demand an upgrade And they’d let me cut in line You couldn’t call me cheapskate When I paid the lowest rates If I only had some diplomatic plates I’d park in front of hydrants Punch patrolmen in the jaw I’d drink and drive, go ninety five And break the so-called law But I’d receive immunity Behind my mission gates If I had a set of diplomatic plates Oh, if I had a set Of diplomatic plates You’d have to cut me slack When I took other girls on dates I’d be the biggest douche In these United States Oh, if I had some diplomatic plates I’d show up uninvited And I’d never go away I’d hire Vegas strippers And of course I’d make you pay And I could extradited if you flouted my dictates If I only had some diplomatic plates I’d make back-handed compliments Insult you to your face I’d tell off-color anecdotes On religion, sex and race I’d treat you like I treat you now Then leave you in bad straits If I had a set of diplomatic plates Diplomatic, diplomatic, diplomatic plates Diplomatic diplomat, your limousine awaits Oh, if I had a set Of diplomatic plates I’d overrule your arguments I’d win all our debates And still you’d take me back Despite my lousy traits The loser who could never fail With permanent get-out-of-jail Oh, if I had some diplomatic plates.
16.
What is God? 03:48
What is God? Is it just a word you say? A merely wishful thought to fight your fear And pain, and cheer it all away? To spurn and spite all other creeds Whose misfortunes help to make yours strong? Is God an easy rationale To say “you shall not” or “you shall” Then go ahead and do what’s wrong? But what is God If not a sense of what is right? The little voice of conscience you obey To turn away instead of fight To see another point of view To not do what you want but what you should Is it the hope that isn’t lost, The firm belief at any cost In what you somehow know is good? But good may be also not good in a way. Isn’t good for the predator bad for the prey? I think so How can you be both a part of a whole And apart from a whole or just stuck in a hole? And who is the “you” if it isn’t your soul? When you die, tell me, where do you go? What is God But life’s abiding mystery? The hidden thing you want to understand The bigger plan that you can’t see The wonder or the blunder of the universe The fact that this could all exist That puts you on the endless search Inside a classroom or a church To puzzle out some truth you missed? Then what is God But faith in something you can’t prove? Like the faith you have in gravity’s pull Or in reason Or in the flow of time through which you move An assumption you can’t test Yet to deny it all would be absurd Your faith the universe is real That you can share what other’s feel Is manifest from your first word Still in spite of the fact each argument is flawed And every savior seems a fraud If life can leave you awed Without a doubt then that is God. Without a doubt then that is God. Without a doubt then what is God?
17.
Y2K 04:38
Everyone was freakin’ over Y2K Everything we counted on would go away Everything was hinging on a program glitch May day hey day Hit panic switch Everybody scared it would all break down Stockin’ up and lockin’ up a cache Runnin’ out o’ town Time to rock ‘n’ roll seemed to fly right by Out of our hands And out of the sky it came (Y2K) On that fateful day (Y2K) All our fears gave way Fireworks display San Francisco Bay (Y2K) Heads up Anything is possible Y2K Everybody kissin’ everyone they meet Lendin’ all and spendin’ all they cash Runnin’ in the street Fallin’ like a mist in our newborn eyes Boy, we were in For a surprise again (Y2K) Came a fateful day (Y2K) After some delay Planes like birds of prey Buildings fell away (Y2K) Heads up Anything is possible Y2K It’s past the time when time was running out To be the last in line to go hiding underground To hatch your nice tries, they’re numbered now. Can’t deny the sea rise and the tundra melt Nasty surprise! You thought everything was wonderful Once you’re invincible, realize you’re vulnerable But after you’re wise to where the truth lies, You’re twice as gullible You can’t divide the greatest common multiple Blasted by solar flares and culpable cyber criminals And machinations of the high and powerful A cast of nasty faster masterminds – expendable – expellable Dispatch millenarian millennials to go to hell To catch the end times and find their holy grail Catastrophe or slow decay, leaving out No detail worthy of freakin’ out over it Everything’s trollable and uncontrollable Get freakin’ over it Time is unstoppable Anything’s possible Everyday is Y2K (Y2K) On that fateful day (Y2K) The world was led astray Tripped by feet of clay Headed the wrong way (Y2K) Heads up Anything is possible Y2K Everybody’s gone apocalypse Pickin’ from the same old shoppin’ list Running up the new necropolis Now Closin’ time and feelin’ mighty fine Go to town and toe the partyline Like it’s always nineteen ninety-nine Now All the old MCs still killin’ ‘em Fill our voices up like helium Till we feel a real millennium Now (We’re still waiting For our future)
18.
Mantra 02:35
My life is full My burden is light My heart is open My love is strong My world is vast My stride is unbroken My path is winding My journey is long My time is now My wishes, forever My soul is naked My truth isn’t wrong My mind is clear My story is untold My fate unwritten My purpose, a song My home is peace My welcome abounds My spirit is one My kindred a throng My life is full My burden is light My heart is open My love is strong

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released July 1, 2015

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Brian Woodbury Los Angeles, California

Brian Woodbury is a Los Angeles composer, lyricist and bandleader who writes musicals, post-modern jazz compositions, quirky pop, country songs and music for children's TV.

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