A Man with No Foible

from Levity & Novelty by Brian Woodbury

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    Levity & Novelty
    (Volume 1 of Anthems & Antithets)

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Most people have one or two
And some people have quite a few
Such idiosyncrasies
But I do not have one of these

V E R S E 1
This one will repeat word “Achoo!”
anytime she feels a sneeze coming on
That one always leaves the door ajar and talks to you when he is using the john
The other one, on catching her reflection,
will purse her lips and arch her brow
and flare her nostrils like a horse

P R E – C H O R U S 1
But that doesn’t make them jerks
They’ve just got their little quirks
And everybody has them. Well, that is,
except for me, of course.

C H O R U S 1
For I___ am a man with no foible
I___ am a completely enjoyable
Guy___ with no need for allowance, excuse or alibi
Oh, I___ am a man with no foible
Not a foible__ have I

V E R S E 2
One tells me that I eat like a pig,
I wolf my food so fast, I’ll probably choke
One says I re-phrase the funny
comments that she makes
like I came up with the joke
The other says I’m arrogant and snooty
As when I demonstrate the music that he likes
is only noise

P R E – C H O R U S 2
But despite these glaring flaws
I forgive them their faux pas
I overlook their failings,
For not everyone can have my poise

C H O R U S 1
As I___ am a man with no foible
I’m___ made of a mettle unalloyable
Try___ and you’ll find no shortcomings
or frailties to descry
Oh, I___ am a man with no foible.
Not a foible___ have I

Well, yes, I tie my shoes when I get nervous
But just because I want to
Yes, I clutch my testes on the subway
For something to hold onto
Sure, I hide my boogers in the sofa
But everybody does that
I own up to foul deeds I do
Oh, god, that smell! Who was that?

Sure, I use a steak knife when I pick my teeth.
But only after eating
I only spoil movies that I’ve seen
’cause otherwise it would be cheating.
I give my friends the blow-by-blow of all my dreams
’cause mine are entertaining
I like to piss on other people’s legs, but I would
never claim it’s raining

P R E – C H O R U S 3
Despite what anybody thinks
I have no tics or faults or kinks
And as for those who claim I do
I say they ought to go see shrinks

C H O R U S 3
Yes, I ___ am a man with no foible
I___ guess unless you’re annoyable
by___ something I do that bugs you
for no good reason why
Oh, I ___ am a man with no foible
Not a foible___ have I
Have I_____


from Levity & Novelty, released February 1, 2020
vocals, bass, guitars, keyboards, percussion & FX: Brian Woodbury; trumpets: Chris Tedesco; violins: Sara Parkins; cellos: Maggie Parkins; additional percussion: Dan Cubert


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Brian Woodbury Los Angeles, California

Brian Woodbury is a Los Angeles composer, lyricist and bandleader who writes musicals, post-modern jazz compositions, quirky pop, country songs and music for children's TV.

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