1. |
||||
V E R S E 1
NARRATOR: Rhonda’s living life at a standstill
Born and bred on Anaheim landfill
Help is on a Grateful Dead handbill
Promising a way out of Bland-ville
V E R S E 2
Hitch up to Marin where the streams flow
To the kind of landscape her dreams know
Crash in Larkspur inns where the beams show
Fairytale begins, and it
C H O R U S 1
Seems so
Easy and high
Free love
Give it a try
Still underage
Passes backstage
Snares a hero
V E R S E 3
Jerry spots her wand’ring in flip flops
Buys her tie dyes from the Haight’s hip shops
Rhonda takes his ride till the trip stops
Spills his bong and when the last
C H O R U S 2
Drip drops
Dregs in the sand
A Dead head
Ditched by the band
One night of sex
Makes Theseus Rex
H Y M N 1
RHONDA: I shall bear your son
Prepare him for his role
Your heir and chosen one
When he subsumes your soul
(Jerry won’t answer me)
V E R S E 4
NARRATOR: From the git-go junior is gungho
With a faith in fathers the young know
Picks up Dad’s guitar all high-strung. Though
soon the high and mighty are
C H O R U S 3
Brung low
Coming of age
False hopes
Turning to rage
Jerry rejects
Theseus Rex
THESEUS: Where’s my hero?
H Y M N 2
Clear the stone away
Retracing Jerry’s tracks
And when I've learned to play
Then I'll assume his axe
B R I D G E 1
NARRATOR: Theseus hits the stand
His Grateful Dead cover band
Plays with a nimble hand
In the court of his father
When Jerry does not arrive
August of ’95
Turns out he’s not alive
THESEUS: And Mountain Girl blames me
ORGAN SOLO
C H O R U S 4
NARRATOR: Axe pawned
Left at loose ends
World tour
Of opium dens
Without a plan
Afghanistan
Dares our hero
O P I U M D E N
RHONDA: That land is full of woe
And evil is in power
Why did you have to go?
I’ll wait for you each hour
H Y M N 3
THESEUS: I keep my head down low
RHONDA: Return to me someday
THESEUS: I’m very rarely seen
RHONDA: The drums of war are rumbling loud
THESEUS: The poppies that I grow
RHONDA: And I will wait until you
THESEUS: Aid the mujahideen
RHONDA: Come back
Come back
C H O R U S 5
THESEUS: Comrades
I’m ready to serve
God’s will
Just give me the nerve
Northern Allies
H O V E R I N G
Hindu Kush Helmand
Heroin heaven
Hide undercover
NARRATOR: Then nine-eleven
Uncle Sam falls for the oldest trick
Where the weaker win a fight they pick
Watch them beat him with a rock and stick
F A S T M E T A L 1
U.S. COLONEL: I'll get Afghanistan
Al Qaeda in a can
Kill me some Taliban
Call in fire on the mountain
NARRATOR: Theseus gets a taste
Allies are laid to waste
Worst thing he’s ever faced
Taking refuge in the mountain
S L O W M E T A L
Western armies battle the zeitgeist
Massing in the name of the White Christ
Taliban are getting their fight iced
Till their hopes are dashed and their might sliced
F A S T M E T A L 2
U.S. COLONEL: Mullah, your ass is mine
You want me, get in line
I'll show ya I got spine
You’ll be singin’ “Blues for Allah”
RHONDA: Come back
THESEUS: Don’t shoot me
RHONDA: Come back
THESEUS: Don’t shoot me
H Y M N 4
NARRATOR: And Theseus is caught
He’s ragged and unshod
The waterboard is brought
They think that he’s jihad
H Y M N 5
He tells them of his plight
Of hiding in the cave
The battles he helped fight
The brothers he helped save
H Y M N 6
NARRATOR: And when his tale is done
THESEUS: My name is Theseus
NARRATOR: They gasp at what he’s said
THESEUS: I am a warrior
NARRATOR: That he’s the bastard son
THESEUS: I slew the minotaur
NARRATOR: The son of the Grateful Dead
G U N S A L U T E
B R I D G E 2
U.S. COLONEL: Dude, is that really true?
I’m Deadhead through and through
This lightning skull tattoo
Says you are my hero
You’ll skip Guantanamo
Where you were gonna go
Man, you don’t wanna know
’Cause you are my hero
In honor of Jerome
And his Y-chromosome
Tell Mom you’re coming home
’Cause you are my hero
H Y M N 7
RHONDA: And he comes back from war
Into the golden light
To land on native shore
All clothed in flags of white
H Y M N 8
NARRATOR: In cargo he has stowed
His mother lies in wait
The casket ramps unload
She misapprehends his fate
Rhonda leaps off the Golden Gate
F U N E R A L M A R C H
V E R S E 5
NARRATOR, RHONDA, THESEUS, U.S. COLONEL:
Sometimes life delivers a cruel trade
Like a senseless bargain some fool made
When it cuts both ways like a dual blade
Tell ’em you’re not drinking the…
C H O R U S 6
KoolAid
Life isn’t fair
Bad bet
Made on a dare
Heroes prevail
Only to fail
THESEUS: I’m no hero
NARRATOR, RHONDA, U.S. COLONEL: He’s no hero.
J A M O U T
NARRATOR, RHONDA, U.S. COLONEL:
Ah ah ah ah, etc.
E N D I N G
THESEUS: Aggh!
|
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2. |
The Other Brian Woodbury
04:22
|
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I N T R O
“Know thyself” - that’s what somebody once said
To get wisdom and to get ahead
So I searched myself - on Google, that is
Now I don’t know what is my self or his
V E R S E 1
There’s a guy who has my name
A guy who isn’t me
He makes music, which is a shame
’Cause I make music. Now, you see
where this whole thing is going to
Since our name’s the same
No way of knowing who
it is gonna be
Me - or the other Brian Woodbury
V E R S E 2
That other guy who took my name
I had it long before
Hey!
I won’t let him usurp my fame
If he persists, then this is war
’Cause I’m the prior Brian here
Hey - would you mind?
He should cede his claim
To me, the pioneer
I deserve it more
Me - not the other Brian Woodbury
Me - not some trombone-playin’ wannabe
B R I D G E 1
Why is he a musician too?
You’d think one was enough
While he gets knocks for what I do
I get credit for his stuff
This name not terribly uncommon
Both first and last onto which he’s glommin’
No nome de plume for him
So I’m bombin’ this
Homonym ad hominem
S O L O / I N S T R U M E N T A L
B R I D G E 2
Why’d he have to go and get
The moniker I got?
There’s plenty better ones I bet
Yeah, and he could have the lot
I blame this same lame name phenomenon
On some dumb humdrum whim of mom an’ dad
Saddling me with this bad homina homina
Homonym ad hominem
V E R S E 3
That other guy who stole my name
He’s not my evil twin
No alter ego I try to tame
No avatar I hide within
No doppelganger dingaling
But when the web takes aim
We start commingling
Till you can’t unpin
Me - from the other Brian Woodbury
We - are joined up for eternity
Gee - I hope there’s not a number three
For me - and the other Brian Woodbury
|
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3. |
Where It Came From
05:50
|
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V E R S E 1
When Robin saw that chiseled stone
She thought she’d found an ancient monument
A totem that the earth had suddenly dislodged
And something moved in her
It took some work to find again
Without a trail, eight miles from the road
She swore Eugene to secrecy and brought him there
They rested in its shadow,
Couldn’t take their eyes away
And soon the news got out.
C H O R U S 1
Who knew where it came from?
What mysteries it was there to show.
How did it speak to them?
They only knew they had to know,
They had to know
V E R S E 2
At first Dale thought it’s all a hoax
Promotion for some science fiction film
But once he reached the site,
its presence blew his mind
This had to be Kurt Brown
It shared Brown’s otherworldly traits
Those strange late earthworks built near Santa Fe
The crowning glory of the artist’s long career
Those other fools had no idea
what jewel they’d stumbled on
Dale was the only one...
C H O R U S 2
Who knew where it came from
What mysteries it was there to show.
How would it speak to them?
He only knew they had to know.
They had to know.
B R I D G E
Finn saw alien travelers.
George saw a burial mound.
Mason saw a false idol,
vowed to tear it to the ground.
Marc and Michelle saw wedding plans,
and sixty people came.
Jill saw God.
Zack saw a place
where he could carve his name.
V E R S E 3
When Yeong first found that solid rock
She saw a way to carve her final piece
She knew that it could take her
more than fifteen years
She hoped she had enough
She never spoke a word of it
The truth is that she liked to work alone
Her giant little secret in the desert wilds
“Don’t bring the people to your art,
the art will find its way”
It didn’t die with Yeong.
C H O R U S 3
Who knows where it came from?
What mysteries it was bound to grow?
How did it speak through her?
She only knew (only knew)
she had to show (had to show)
She had to know
C H O R U S 4
Who knows where it comes from?
This spark we can’t hold onto or let go
Who gets to speak for it?
Who builds the fire? (builds the fire)
Who feels the glow? (feels the glow)
Who will ever know?
|
||||
4. |
Two Halves
03:02
|
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1
All of the world is divvied up in two halves
And have nots
Beggars or choosers
Keepers or losers
Takers or givers
Diers or livers
Forked into two paths is all the world
2
All of the world is split into splinters
Marathoners or sprinters
Stayers or quitters
Swallowers or spitters
Slurp or savor
Now or later
Here or yonder
Hoard or squander
One marshmallow or two
After-you
or don’t-mind-if-I-do
3
All of the world is cut along rope lines
Red carpets or breadlines
Lifelines or deadlines
Below the fold or headlines
Gold or glitter
Favorite son or runt of the litter
Kick or punt
Wait-your-turn or get-in-front
4
All of the world is cleft into cloven hoovers
Suckers or chewers
Talkers or doers
Cynics or sinners
End-timers or new-beginners
Ruminants or ruminators
Stick-arounders or see-you-laters
5
All of the world is rent into owners and renters
In too one-percenters
Persisters or relenters
May Day or payday
Borrowers or lenders
All spent or big spenders
Cash or credit
Lose it or bet it
Some regret it. Some don’t sweat it.
6
All of the world is broke into two bits
Cherries or pits
Profits or peanuts
Dollars or donuts
All you can eat or all you can stomach
Spare some or zero sum
Available or taken
Stirred up or unshaken
Woke or token
Unheard or unspoken
Pure or mixed
It-ain’t-broken or the-game-is-fixed
7
But all of the planet is just one world
|
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5. |
||||
V E R S E 1 A
We’ll never make it to another star
There isn’t energy to get that far
We don’t have time to take a trip so long
And I’m not smart enough
to show you I’m not wrong
V E R S E 1 B
We can’t upload our minds into the cloud
To shoot beyond what physics has allowed
We’re bound by sunlight, spirit, breath and will
Though I’m not bright enough
to prove I’m right, but still
C H O R U S 1
We are the sun
We are our only sun
A beam of light - to everyone
We shine
All day long
All night long
All along
V E R S E 2
The stars stare back into our distant past
Can they detect our brilliant chloroplast?
Or scan the skies to find our world of blue?
Would we surprise them
with the things our star can do?
C H O R U S 2
We are the sun
We are our only sun
A beam of light - to everyone
We shine
All day long
All night long
All along
B R I D G E
Oh, don’t be sad
Don’t go stark-raving mad
Lost to the world you’re not leaving or saving
You should be glad
This is not a launching pad
Good or bad
We are the star
The star that you’re craving
G U I T A R S O L O
V E R S E 3
There is no future world we’re bound to go
You’ll never take my word for it, I know
There is no heaven for us when we die
The sun’s circumference charts our real pi
in the sky
P R E - C H O R U S
Oh hear us,
Starlight
Star ray
First star we see today
Wish we might
Wish we may
Wish the wish away
away
C H O R U S 3
We are the sun
We are our only sun
A beam of light - to everyone
We shine
All day long
All night long
C H O R U S 4
We are the sun
We are our only sun
Through everything - we’ve ever done
We’ve shone
All day long
All night long
All along
Shine, shine, shine, shine
|
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6. |
Dystopian Fantasy
01:41
|
|||
I don’t plan to see
Your dystopian fantasy
Why waste my time?
Two hours stuck inside
your stock apocalypse
Don’t make me believe
Up there on the screen
like Nostradamus
To every gullible Thomas who’s been taken in
That’s not a threat,
It’s a promise
You say it’s only hyperbole
Verbally
You’d never believe that hype
If it’s just a warning,
Why make us want it to come true?
If it’s pure escape,
why are the heroes the only ones who can escape?
What are you saying will happen to us?
Yeah, no one’s forcing me
But nobody’s forcing you.
In a world, in a world, in a world,
That’s invading our inner world
Honestly, isn’t this one bad enough?
Haven’t we had enough?
Why can’t you foresee
Your every fantasy can plant a seed?
Your self-fulfilling prophecy
profiteers off of me
I don’t plan to see
Your dystopian fantasy
Your future’s wrong.
|
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7. |
||||
V E R S E 1 A
I’ve got a friend who’s scared of the future
Doesn’t get bitcoin
No social media
She likes to live a life like her life once was
I’ve got a friend who lives in nostalgia
Back to the ’80s
Make it the ’60s
Something was realer
Kickin’ it old school
Rotary dialing
More than a retro buzz
P R E - C H O R U S A
She says, the past was better
Her last love letter
Before prefab, rehab, jihad
“We were all together.
Aw, you should have seen what we had!”
P R E - C H O R U S B
But that rough and tumble
Got tough and grumpy
Like a crumpled up flier
On a subway grate
P R E - C H O R U S C
Time is moving on
The future’s coming closer
Till her history is a fad
to plunder from the past
P R E - C H O R U S D
That I told her, this
I told her
That I told her, this
I told her
That I told her, this
I told her that
C H O R U S
Everybody’s gonna be the same
Everybody’s gonna be the same some day
Everybody’s gonna be the same
Everybody’s gonna be the same some day
V E R S E 2 A (variation)
I’ve got a friend who is made for the future
Early adopter
Metaverse builder
Redesign his DNA
He’s ready for his implants
P R E - C H O R U S A (variation)
“You think that’s something?
Ya ain’t seen nothin’
Day by day, I say hi, A.I.,
I can live forever.
And I’m not even askin’ ‘May I?’”
P R E - C H O R U S C (variation)
Time is moving on
And history comes with it.
His tomorrow’s a fad
It wasn’t built to last
C H O R U S
Everybody’s gonna be the same
Everybody’s gonna be the same some day
Everybody’s gonna be the same
Everybody’s gonna be the same some day
B R I D G E
I see a world government
And there’s no poverty
One race who’re all the same color
Some day appears
They share the wealth equally
There’ll still be assholes
But once we’re abolishing slavery
We’re already half the way there
I would give it another four hundred years
Give or take maybe a hundred years till
C H O R U S
Everybody’s gonna be the same
Everybody’s gonna be the same some day
Everybody’s gonna be the same
Everybody’s gonna be the same some day
|
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8. |
||||
V E R S E 1
We are like water
Our sounds, our scales, our DNA
We flow and seep and spill
And make our way
We pour across the globe
Change a little every day
Until our descendants
Can’t understand a thing we say
C H O R U S 1
How soon we forget
How long we remember
How soon we forget
How long, how long
How soon we forget
How long we remember
How soon we forget
How long, how long
V E R S E 2
We’re like a folksong
A shout some forebear did declaim
He opened up his mouth
And out it came
To great, great grandma’s ear
She changed the words, the tune, the name
Our ancestors’ humming
Has stayed but never stayed the same
C H O R U S 2
How soon we forget
How long we remember
How soon we forget
How long, how long
How soon we forget
How long we remember
How soon we forget
How long, how long
I N S T R U M E N T A L
B R I D G E
It’s catchy, like a cold
Like a virus ever changing shape
Never growing old
We must repeat, we clone, we ape,
We must repeat, we clone, we ape
V A R I A T I O N 1
How soon we forget
How long we remember
Member, member
Member, member
How soon we forget
How long, how long
Long, how long
Long, how long
How soon we forget
How long, how long
How long
How long, how long
How long
V A R I A T I O N 2
How soon you forget
How long you remember
How soon you forget, so long
V A R I A T I O N 3
How soon you regret
How long you remember
You never forget
So long, so long
V A R I A T I O N 4
And soon you’ll regret
What long we remembered
But do you forget
Our song?
V A R I A T I O N 5
What do you remember?
What do you recall?
V A R I A T I O N 6
What do you know?
You remember?
Do you recall
At all?
V A R I A T I O N 7
What do you remember?
What do you recall?
What do you remember?
Not a thing at all
I N S T R U M E N T A L
V A R I A T I O N 8
Any trace at all
(Any trace at all)
You will be remembered
(You will be remembered)
I N S T R U M E N T A L
C H O R U S 3
How soon we forget
How long we remember
How soon we forget
How long, how long
How soon we forget
How long we remember
How soon we forget
How long, how long
How long, how long
|
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9. |
The Honorable Mention
01:22
|
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I’m so humbled
I’m humiliated
The fact we can’t share this award
Oh, man, I really hate it
But to you -
my brilliant fellow nominees
I submit, surrender, bow
I get down o’my knees
Then to each one on my team,
I pledge my eternal servitude.
Couldn’t do it without you!
Though I take the golden statue,
you deserve it, dude.
Moving on!
To those who stuck with me,
I’m honored by how true you are
I’d like to thank you all by name,
But you know who you are
To all my fans and Insta-followers,
Thank you for buzzin’ me
I would go on…
But, wait! Who won?
(Awww)
It wasn’t me?
|
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10. |
This Golden Hour
06:29
|
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V E R S E 1
Gold, they came in search of gold
Forty-Niners
Over sea and fruited plane
Gold, more than any bank could hold
And where it panned out
Mined every nugget, sluice and vein
Till none remain
P R E – C H O R U S 1
Who, as the aura left those skies,
In the gloaming, felt a magic light arise?
C H O R U S
Stay beautiful
And never be done
This golden hour
This lambent sun
Die beautiful
Forever re-run
This golden hour
This setting sun
V E R S E 2
Cold, they fled the Jersey cold
For Niles Canyon
To cast the world in better light
Unfolding as the sprockets scrolled
“Rolling! Action!”
Praising the rays of nearly night,
A perfect site
P R E – C H O R U S 2
What, in the blazing sun’s demise,
Could be captured of the world a camera spies?
C H O R U S
Stay beautiful
And never be done
This golden hour
This lambent sun
Die beautiful
Forever re-run
This golden hour
This setting sun
B R I D G E 1
Sunk below a rose horizon
Fade to shadeless dusk
Luring with its near nocturnal musk
Vesper time
Slips sublime
Daylight’s husk
M I D D L E V E R S E 1
So, you left Boston, Mass
And betrayed your first class
On the way
With no B.A.
And a pawnshop guitar
That you strung upside down to play
By Frisco Bay
M I D D L E P R E – C H O R U S 1
A sailor paroled from the war
From Japan, to this Golden Gate shore
For a smoke at the end of the trail
The folk, those whose songs tell the tale
M I D D L E V E R S E 2
And you learn every note of the tune
On that old guitar
Coffee bar
You can’t beat poet’s rates
For the black and gold plates on your car
And belonging where you are
M I D D L E P R E – C H O R U S 2
Here you and Mom were both drawn
First to meet, then to marry and spawn
this climb to the top of Mount Tam
How I’m now the I that I am
In gold
I N S T R U M E N T A L 1
M I D D L E R E F R A I N
In a burst, when that first tinge appeared
Midas’ touch was reverse engineered
Did that graze make a deep inner blush
In the bays and the sage and the brush?
You assumed that penumbral refrain
Where the bloom had infused the terrain
With a hue. Did this glow linger on
Inside you, where that dusk came to dawn?
I N S T R U M E N T A L 2
V E R S E 3
Old, they came in days of old
With the ice floes
To a wilderness unnamed
Bold adventurers untold
(Muwekma Ohlone!)
Gone and each creek has now been tamed
And the sky inflamed
C H O R U S 3
Stay beautiful
And never be done
This golden hour
This lambent sun
Die beautiful
Forever outrun
This golden hour
This waning sun
B R I D G E 2
Evening glows its golden-most
Before it goes to black
Every epoch folds another back
Every bend
Finds the end
Of the track
C H O R U S 4
Leave beautiful
Whatever you’ve won
This golden hour has spun
Before you lose the light
Embrace the grace of night
Be done
With one last golden sun
|
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11. |
||||
V E R S E 1
Bach was very dead
His cantatas all ignored
His passions had been sung
And long forgotten, with the harpsichord
Till they brought him back on stage
To take one last concertgebouw
And propped him in the pantheon
Which we’re still living under now
C H O R U S 1
The day the music never died
The old beat out the new
The classics now don’t have to go
When their composers do
And everyone knows all the greats
This Western canon saves
(Saves)
’Cause they’re the masters
We’re the slaves
The future world was shoved aside
The day the music never died
The day the music never died
V E R S E 2
And thus were handed down
Timeless treasures built to last
Our golden oldies, broke-the-moldies,
Relics from an unsurpassed
Past
And while this universal art
No longer moves your average bloke
It is unchanged, imperious
It’s serious
Those recent genres are just a joke.
C H O R U S 2
The day the music never died
The world was made to wait
The hottest trends of yore
Now bore no expiration date
The great Three Bs have no more hits
To churn out from their graves
(Graves)
But they’re the masters
We’re the slaves
The classics could not be denied
The day the music never died
The day the music never died
B R I D G E
History is the river we all swim in
High water marks we rate our present by
(Bye bye bye)
The current current where we play
Could one day wash us all away
And so we’ve built a levee
But the levee is dry
C H O R U S 3 ( E X T E N S I O N )
The day the music never died
We yielded to the old
To all be crushed by footsteps
we would walk in, we were told
And all that’s new must now compete
With what drew bygone raves
(drew bygone raves)
A sumptuous feast we’re force fed
Till it’s all the blue-haired public craves
And who’re the masters?
Who’re the slaves?
When tried and true beats new untried
If it’s familiar, let it slide
Irrelevant and mummified
The day the music never died
The day the music never died
The day the music never, never, never, never died
|
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12. |
Dilettante
02:39
|
|||
V E R S E 1
I can comment with intelligence
on all the books I haven’t read.
I know each famous name
and I can quote one well-known thing he said.
What little that I’ve picked up
I won’t hesitate to flaunt.
I’m a dilettante.
V E R S E 2
I dabble here and there in sundry crafts
I never learned to do.
I can’t play licks on my guitar,
the ones that I ask others to.
I have no business making art
but I do what I want.
I’m a dilettante.
C H O R U S 1
I’m a dilettante.
And I know it, though I don’t speak French.
A dilettante.
My thirst for deeper knowledge
is not difficult to quench.
V E R S E 3
I haven’t studied calculus,
nor mastered any foreign tongue.
I started when I was too old,
or gave up when I was too young.
Yet I proceed undaunted,
for I never learned to daunt.
I’m a dilettante.
V E R S E 4
Now, I only know ten elements.
No constellations crowd my brain.
I’m never shy at speaking up on
things I barely can explain.
Yes, I’m a normal idiot
but pass as a savant.
I’m a dilettante.
C H O R U S 2
I’m a dilettante.
Oh, but don’t call me a philistine.
A dilettante.
The difference is I like to show
I know what both words mean.
B R I D G E
A little knowledge is a danger,
someone said, I don’t know who.
It’s never been a risk for me,
though mine might be a risk for you.
C H O R U S 3
I’m a dilettante.
I’ve got half a mind, and that’s enough.
A dilettante.
And I’ll keep dilettante-ing
even if you call my bluff.
Glinting like a zirconium diamond in the rough.
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13. |
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A1.
I dreamt I was a murderer
Returned to the scene of the crime
Like a creepy tale from Hollywood
For the hundred thousandth time
A2.
I searched for what I’d overlooked
For clues I might somehow have missed
Then I found the corpse had disappeared
In a classic film noir twist
B1.
I scoured my brain for evidence
I couldn’t remember a thing
And the only hint of homicide
Was my conscience trying to sing
A3.
I woke up cold and out of breath
The guilt - it was all I could feel
As I played the dream in memory
Convinced that the murder was real
A4.
But I have never killed anyone
At least not that I can recall
So I interrogate the fantasy
That sold me on taking the fall
B2.
The accused profess their innocence
They affect an insouciant stance
With their alibis and coverups
They don’t leave a whisper to chance
A5.
But what of the blameless penitent?
Remorseful for deeds never done
Who believes himself the trigger man
Though he’s never handled a gun
A6.
I learned a lot from the cinema
To root for the underdog lead
Where that troubled dark protagonist
Has the ethical code you should heed
B3.
But the code is painted scenery
Propped up with a tired cliché
Where I dream that I’m a murderer
And the feeling won’t go away
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14. |
Intelligent Life
03:00
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V E R S E 1
We’re searching for intelligent life
And we still can’t even understand trees
Has anyone deciphered the bees’
dance? Not yet, but I bet that it’s the bees’ knees.
V E R S E 2
We’re glad to have opposable thumbs
Yeah, they come in handy helping us grab
And walking on two legs ain’t too shab-
by. Not to overlook that old gift of gab
C H O R U S
Does that lead to intelligent life?
Get a bead on intelligent life?
While the birds sing songs unknowable
In everyone’s yard
Why do we keep falling for
that old canard?
If we could read
What we don’t heed
Is it too hard
to lead an intelligent life?
V E R S E 3
We scan the heavens searching for signs
For signals sent out ages ago
And carried by some faint radio
waves for the simple thrill of letting us know
V E R S E 4
We’re building a machine that can think
Or can fool us into thinking it can
As if that fooling were no different than
Our thinking we’re no fools, at least that’s the plan
C H O R U S
Does that lead to intelligent life?
What we’ve agreed is intelligent life?
While the lizards dart inscrutably
In everyone’s yard
Why must we be hoisted by
our own petard?
This world’s a-seed
with all we need
Is it so hard
to lead an intelligent life?
An intelligent life
An intelligent life
An intelligent life
An intelligent life.
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15. |
Bad Timing
05:04
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Always late. Why? Stupid! No matter how early I leave, it’s never enough.
Raskin says I have a “Bastard’s degree in Dilly-Dalliance.”
Huh! But look who’s got a PhD in Kissing Ass.
What is time? I shouldn’t be asking. I should be answering. It’s my job...
Or it will be. Once we get the chronometrics experiment approved by the LHC! Working with the Large Hadron Collider. That is big time.
Fuck! We gotta get this proposal in.
Speaking of which, where is Raskin? Another Dinner with the Dean today?
Did he finish his partial regression analysis, or do I have to?
He cuts out early, I show up late. Stupid! Why would Dr. Kim say we're the same person? Just ’cause he’s never seen the two of us together? Hah! Not even close! We’re more like matter and anti-matter. Show up at the same time, we prob’ly would annihilate each other.
Matter. What does it matter? It matters a whole fucking lot. To me, maybe not to you, Raskin!
Shit! I’ve seethed away another minute I’ll never get back…Bye, lost minute.
And now ten more seconds. They add up! Shut up!
Enough self-incrimination – recrimination! Duh! Whatever!
Oh, my god! Look at this mess. Who was the last one here? Raskin, you pig! Throw your lunch away, don’t leave it on my desk!
Oh, shit, it was me. That’s right! Raskin had the afternoon off today.
Mea culpa. That means “sorry,” Raskin! It’s Latin. You wouldn’t understand. But then you’d never apologize, would you?
Latin, why didn't I take Latin? But I still wouldn't get invited to Dinners with the Dean.
For all I know, it’s “meus culpus,” in the vocative mood. Did I just say, “the vocative mood?” Shut up!
You’re the one who usually leaves the mess. I have the right to do it once. Plus I was running late.
Shut up!
Why did Dr. Kim even put you on this proposal, Raskin? You wouldn’t know a zeptosecond from a yoctosecond. Your only interest in Planck time is to detect a quantum anomaly, for your ludicrous simulation hypothesis. Your “glitch in the matrix.” I know, "Don’t call it matrix.” But you treat our proposal like some glorified thought experiment.
Ugh! Enough about Raskin. Focus. I guess that he’s good at the stuff that he does - being center of attention, going to conferences, getting published! Forget about him! I’m sparter, I mean, smarter. I know what I mean. Stupid! Why am I telling me?
People who talk to themselves are geniuses, you know? Narration is something the brain does to make the “illusion” of control. “Illusion”! “Procidat deceptionem!” No, not Harry Potter. It’s Latin again! I don’t speak Latin, but I can say “illusion” in many languages. “Khuurmag baidal!” Mongolian! Genius! (Well, Google translate!)
Of course, it is an illusion, Raskin. The asymmetry of time is an observational artifact of the illusion of consciousness.
If you ever paid attention to what I’m trying to do here.
Instead of hobnobbing with celebrity physicists.
Time is an emergent manifestation of quantum entanglement.
Objectively, there is no time.
And there’s no time to be going on and on about this. Shut up!
Blah, blah, blah. Least I didn’t have to sit through a Dinner with the Dean, with you hyping your simulation theory. What a waste of time. Fun for you, I guess.
Guess? The point is not to guess, but have a high statistical probability. Confidence interval going out to 6 sigma? ’S not an illusion.
I wish. I wish all the time. Listen to me! Guessing and wishing. Next I’ll be sending thoughts and prayers! I’m cringing! No wonder I’m not Dr. Kim’s favorite anymore. No. Wonder.
That’s what I want! NO WONDER. The absence of uncertainty… about uncertainty.
Of course, the whole point is to wonder! That’s why we got into this, isn’t it, Raskin? How so fuckin' lit this experiment’s gonna be.
Two occurrences separated by a singularity, approaching simultaneity - the arrow of time breaks down! The informational temporal manifold of the universe is reduced to nothing. What’s the secret of the multiverse? Say it with me:
Timing timing timing. Location location location. Now, ain’t that a little more wondrous than “It’s all just a video game”?
Wondrous.
Honestly, it all comes down to I like my illusion better than yours. But aren’t you supposed to be the wonderkind who can get our proposal approved, for the Large Hadron Collider?
What’s your secret, Raskin? Right place, right time?
Hey! Is somebody here? Shut up, for fuck’s sake! No, you shut up!
Oh, hey, Raskin! It’s about time.
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16. |
When Byron Swam
01:34
|
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When Byron swam the Bosphorus,
The foam aglow with phosphorus,
His triumph was a loss for us.
His light will ours outlast.
Or did he swim the Dardanelles?
And soar as had that bard done else-
Where, heeding bells with ardent knells
Of Golden Ages past?
Oh, hell! it was the Hellespont
I curse that ne’er do well his spont-
aneity, his zealous bond
To cross that isthmus vast.
But wait!
It’s not an isthmus but a strait.
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17. |
Our Cattywampus World
02:51
|
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A1.
When the moon looks down upon us
She is blind as she is shining
With no memory of her birthing
On our cattywampus world
B1.
Our cattywampus world
Gives us summer and winter
We get days that are shorter
Till the long ones arrive
B2.
Our cattywampus world
Gives us feast and famine
Gives us barter and conquest
Makes the fittest survive
C1.
This planet out of kilter
Spawned the birds and bugs and flowers
In disparate patterns, forms and colors
The desperate plumage of a billion hours
A2.
Like a wooden-legged dancer
Who, still living with the trauma
Of an ancient violence, somehow
learned to make the most of it
B4.
Our cattywampus world
It was thrown off its axis
Into this rakish angle
On one day long ago
B5.
In the blink of a moment
Completely upended
Into cock-eyed rotation
All in one savage blow
C2.
A celestial intruder
Raped our molten mother ocean
Delivered our silver stillborn daughter
To stare at, in perpetual motion
A3.
Nightly we face this reminder
From this rupture, we are living
Our lifeblood flows from what was riven
On our cattywampus world
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18. |
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K Y R I E
Kyrie eleison.
Christe eleison.
Kyrie eleison.
G L O R I A
I. Gloria in excelsis Deo. Et in terra pax hominibus bonæ voluntatis.
II. Laudamus te; benedicimus te; adoramus te; glorificamus te. Gratias agimus tibi propter magnam gloriam tuam.
III. Domine Deus, Rex coelestis, Deus Pater omnipotens. Domine Fili unigenite Jesu Christe. Domine Deus, Agnus Dei,
Filius Patris.
IV. Qui tollis peccata mundi, miserere nobis. Qui tollis peccata mundi, suscipe deprecationem nostram. Qui sedes ad dextram Patris, O miserere nobis.
V. Quoniam tu solus Sanctus, tu solus Dominus, tu solus Altissimus, Jesu Christe. Cum Sancto Spiritu in gloria Dei Patris.
VI. Amen.
C R E D O
I. Credo in unum Deum; Patrem omnipotentem, factorem coeli et terrae, visibilium omnium et invisibilium.
II. Et in unum Dominum Jesum Christum, Filium Dei unigenitum, Et ex Patre natum ante omnia sæcula. Deum de Deo, lumen de lumine, Deum verum de Deo vero, Genitum non factum, consubstantialem Patri: per quem omnia facta sunt.
III. Qui propter nos homines, et propter nostram salutem
descendit de coelis. Et incarnatus est de Spiritu Sancto
ex Maria Virgine: et homo factus est.
IV. Crucifixus etiam pro nobis sub Pontio Pilato, passus et sepultus est. Et resurrexit tertia die secundum Scripturas:
Et ascendit in coelum.
V. Sedet ad dexteram Patris.
Et iterum venturus est cum gloria, judicare vivos et mortuos:
cujus regni non erit finis.
VI. Credo in Spiritum Sanctum, Dominum, et vivificantem: qui ex Patre Filioque procedit. Qui cum Patre et Filio simul adoratur et conglorificatur: qui locutus est per Prophetas.
VII. Credo in unam sanctam catholicam et apostolicam Ecclesiam.
VIII. Confiteor unum baptisma, in remissionem peccatorum.
IX. Et expecto resurrectionem mortuorum et vitam venturi sæculi.
X. Amen.
S A N C T U S
Sanctus, Sanctus, Sanctus, Dominus Deus Sabaoth. Pleni sunt coeli et terra gloria tua. Osanna in excelsis.
B E N E D I C T U S
Benedictus qui venit in nomine Domini. Osanna in excelsis.
A G N U S D E I
Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, miserere nobis. Agnus Dei. Dona nobis pacem.
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Brian Woodbury Los Angeles, California
Brian Woodbury is a Los Angeles composer, lyricist and bandleader who writes musicals, post-modern jazz compositions, quirky pop, country songs and music for children's TV.
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