Levity & Novelty

by Brian Woodbury

/
  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Levity & Novelty
    (Volume 1 of Anthems & Antithets)

    Includes unlimited streaming of Levity & Novelty via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days
    edition of 525 

      $20 USD

     

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $20 USD  or more

     

1.
My Bad 03:23
V E R S E 1 I’m sorry I said sorry right when you were in my way I know I should have thought of something more polite to say I wanted to alert you that you ought to move you arm I didn’t want to injure it to pull the fire alarm I know it’s no excuse but that’s the only one I had My bad V E R S E 2 I’m sorry I said sorry when you trampled on my toe The fire escape was crowded. There was nowhere else to go Your cleats had pierced my Birkenstocks. I didn’t want to shout I wasn’t even thinking when “I’m sorry” just came out I think I thought that you might somehow think that I was mad C H O R U S My bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, etc. V E R S E 3 I’m sorry I said sorry when we both were trying to speak I’m sorry if you thought that it was meant as a critique We both saw someone up there as the roof began to burn I told the first responder, but I didn’t wait my turn I’m sure there were important details you had meant to add C H O R U S My bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, etc. B R I D G E Why must I take the blame? It isn’t fun to do But like my mother says And my father says And my wife says, sorry My ex-wife says And my girlfriend says And her boyfriend says And my therapist says My chiropractor says “Why is everything your fault?” So, I know it must be true. V E R S E 4 I’m sorry I said sorry at my witness interview In hindsight maybe that was not the wisest thing to do I gave my testimony. The detective thought I lied. He asked why I was sorry if I had no crime to hide And now I’m in for arson though my alibi was ironclad C H O R U S My bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, etc. BG: (Who’s sorry now?) My bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, etc.
2.
Picture Me 03:07
I N T R O We’ve only met online— But we are soulmates all the same Though I’m guessing DesperateSingleGirl Is not your actual name Your profile touched me where it counts So here’s my virtual calling card And as you hold it in your hand Think about me long and hard V E R S E 1 A When you go to bed at night Before you snuff your smart phone light Read this note and then swipe right to Picture me V E R S E 1 B It may have given you a start This too tumescent work of art But it reveals what’s in my heart So picture me B R I D G E 1 Though it’s dimly lit and grainy This vision from afar Almost varicose-ly veiny It’s my gift to you, whoever you are V E R S E 1 C It may seem forward, that is true I can send one taken sideways too Either shows how I want you To picture me V E R S E 2 A Boorish fellows may affix Their photos just to get some kicks But I’m not like those other dicks So picture me V E R S E 2 B I could have set a slower pace But why not cut right to the chase And let me get all in your face? Just picture me B R I D G E 2 As for size, no prize I’d win, dear I’m ungainly, blunt and red But it’s not shame or chagrin, dear That’s making the blood rush to my head V E R S E 2 C And if you succumb to my allures It’s only fair, as love matures, I’ve shown you mine, now show me yours Yes, picture me I N S T R U M E N T A L B R I D G E 3 If, in spite of my entreaty, You choose to pass me by I will find another sweetie One whose standards aren’t so high V E R S E 3 There’s plenty more where you came from To reach out to, till my thumbs go numb Ready or not, girls, here I come Ooh, that’s it! Picture me
3.
If I Knew 03:38
V E R S E 1 Don’t know much about biology I’ve forgotten all my history Couldn’t pass a whiskey bar exam That’s the kind of person that I am What made the universe, I wouldn’t know I wasn’t there a thousand years ago Ain’t that much that I know much about All goes in one ear and right back out C H O R U S 1 I do the best that I can do And maybe I don’t have a clue But would it be a better world if I knew? A truly better world if I knew? V E R S E 2 Sure, I learned about the birds and bees I know what makes my Hyundai go is keys I get that dirt is down and stars are up Sixty-four ounces in my super cup I know statistics for my favorite teams And stuff I read [past tense] off of some Facebook memes Like lawyers cheat and politicians lie The news is fake, but I can’t tell you why C H O R U S 2 I do the best that I can do And maybe I don’t have a clue And would it be a better world if I knew? A truly better world if I knew? B R I D G E You can tell me I’m dumb But smart is over-rated And I don’t care what you say Besides it isn’t my fault That I’m not educated. Hey, I was just born this way V E R S E 3 Don't know much about the dinosaurs But I’m sure they're not my ancestors I don't hold with so-called expertise Spell my plurals with apostrophes Science – that’s just theories you can’t prove Climates that warm and continents that move Your facts will not convince me, please don’t try My ignorance – that is my alibi C H O R U S 3 ’Cause when I see what you go through For knowing all you know is true It wouldn’t be better world if I knew To have to see from your point of view And realize all the work left to do I guess I’d rather I never knew
4.
Ava's Couch 03:04
V E R S E 1 A My cousin kicked me out ’cause I wasn’t payin’ rent And my student loan defaulted and my vouchers all got spent Started crashin’ with my buddies, Wound up sleepin’ on the floor I got bored of smokin’ all their weed and playing PS4 V E R S E 1 B Then a couple weeks with Matthew But that dude’s a total slob He kept runnin’ out of groceries He kept sayin’, “Get a job” My life was goin’ nowhere Man, I’d thought my luck was through But then my dreams came true Right when I surfed onto C H O R U S Ava’s couch I’m so pumped up! This is rad! Though she doesn’t know how much I wan’ her I’m crushin’ on her bad I’m sittin’ pretty on Ava’s couch And I’m just bidin’ my sweet time To cook up How we’ll hook up Hey, Matt, how ’bout that? I’m no slouch On Ava’s couch On Ava’s couch V E R S E 2 I had my eye on Ava Back since San Diego State She’d come cryin’ on my shoulder ‘bout the guys she used to date She says now I can crash here Till my internship comes in So either way I win My slickest move has been C H O R U S 2 Ava’s couch Now if only I could score But I wonder if she wants to do me Or wants a roomie more Still I’m here, I’m on Ava’s couch I hope she pickin’ up the signs I’m showin’ But she’s goin’ “Could you move your hack-y sack pouch?” On Ava’s couch On Ava’s couch B R I D G E I want her to be my girlfriend Takin’ her to Olive Garden, handin’ her a rose But she wants me to be her girlfriend Watchin’ Gilmore Girls and eatin’ Honey Nut Cheerios S O L O C H O R U S Why did I surf onto Ava’s couch? She’s askin’ me to feed her cat While she’s goin’ out to grab a bite with And spend the night with Matt (Seriously, Matt?) How’d I end up on Ava’s couch? Bet she’s already set her mind To boot me Ah, just shoot me. She calls me her B.F.F. Ouch! On Ava’s couch On Ava’s couch On Ava’s couch
5.
V E R S E 1 I have wandered through the desert of my story To quench a thirst for what this life could mean In the empty glare of falsehood all around me I was blind to the light of a realm that’s unseen But from the sins of this long trial The pain I’ve put my poor soul through I’ve learned there's something greater That my life is leading to C H O R U S Eternal damnation Burning churning hellfire world without end Always one more everlasting day left to spend In eternal damnation Damnation P O S T – C H O R U S Ow-ow, ow-ow Ow-ow, ow-ow, ow-ow ow-ow V E R S E 2 I have led a life of vanity and pleasure I’ve coveted more than you'd care to hear And I took God's name in vein and worked on Sunday Did not pray, did not praise, had no faith, had no fear Nor did I ask Him for forgiveness Nor did I choose to seek His face So God has rightly deemed That He must send me to this place CHORUS Of eternal damnation Burning churning hellfire world without end Always one more everlasting day left to spend In eternal damnation Damnation POST-CHORUS Ow-ow, ow-ow Ow-ow, ow-ow, ow-ow ow-ow B R I D G E Fly With the winds You’re beholding Jesus, in Rapture Alas, I With these sins weighed my soul down for Satan to capture C H O R U S 3 In eternal damnation Boiling toiling torment of a life with no rest Bound in ceaseless suffering in this sulfurous nest Of eternal damnation Damnation C H O R U S 4 Eternal damnation Burning churning hellfire world without end Always one more everlasting day left to spend (Left to spend) In eternal damnation Damnation Damnation
6.
The Brain 04:26
V E R S E 1 What makes the loathsome psychopath Hike a path of evil? Exploring every cruelty and excess? To spike the punch with ipecac Or microwave a weevil The cause has long been anybody's guess Just how can he achieve the satisfaction that he wants From biting chicken’s heads off With sadistic nonchalance? What fills him with the savagery To thrill from causing pain? We now know that the answer is his brain C H O R U S 1 A-ha! His brain makes him do it His brain makes him do it It makes him vivisect his victims, then extract their suet So do not cast aspersions, He should not endure the stain The fault lies not with him but with his brain V E R S E 2 What gives the firm believer Such a fever for her God? So certain of a presence she has felt? Transcendence and epiphanies that sound a little odd Unless you’ve walked a mile where she’s knelt What makes the Muslim face the east And bow and all that stuff? What makes the born-again convinced That once was not enough? What gives the faithful one the faith her faith will never wane? A familiar aberration of the brain C H O R U S 2 That’s all! Her brain makes her do it Her brain makes her do it The God Spot in her cortex Gets a neural impulse to it Religious feelings science heretofore could not explain But now we’ve found the G-spot in her brain B R I D G E Do I really feel and think and mean what I hope I mean? Nope, it’s only serotonin, noradrenalin and dopamine Every notion or mood, passing thought, attitude That I have, or forget, or repress, or memorize Can be best understood just by scanning my brain with a series of MRIs V E R S E 3 What makes the newly amorous So clamorous and wild? To feel they fit each other like a glove? They grope, mope, or elope They free their inner feral child What gives them this delusion they’re in love? They adulate and fawn and dote With sighs and coos and chirps Appreciate each other’s farts, Complete each other’s burps What makes them lose all reason, Just to suffer through such strain? A condition of the post-pubescent brain C H O R U S 3 You see? The brain makes them do it The brain makes them do it It gets gonads to go, pituitaries to pituit And everything they feel is magic really is quite plain The part they call the heart is in the brain C H O R U S 4 Ho-ho! Your brain makes you do it Your brain makes you do it It makes you doubt, associate, guess, wonder and intuit And all complex experience Is nothing so arcane Just signals and receptors in your brain E X T E N S I O N And if you think this explanation sounds a bit inane Don't fret your pretty head, that’s just your brain Try not to overthink it, it’s your brain Just get it through your thick skull It’s your brain
7.
Hello! If you’re having a medical emergency Stop listening to the song and dial 911 Stop listening to this song! Stop listening to this song! Stop listening to the song! And dial 911! If you’re having a medical emergency
8.
V E R S E 1 A Though you wife has been allaying Your suspicions, folks are saying That she's busy running 'round With any boy toy who is handy That's her modus operandi But as yet no evidence is found For she's furtive and clandestine She won't have her handsome guest in She goes elsewhere to cavort Somewhere scenic, some sultry Somewhere perfect for adultery Off to an inn of last resort V E R S E 1 B Yes, your darling who was once green Is now smoothly rubbing sunscreen Onto some stranger's back In the smell of oxybenzone He is not long for the friendzone Very soon they'll hit the sack She met this one at the foot spa And she had a lot of chutzpah To invite him for a spin If you knew it, it would grieve you That they’re off now to deceive in C H O R U S 1 The Sea View Inn Great for quick assignations Those impromptu vacations A beach front for sin Ah, the Sea View Inn Where their passions are burning And the ice machine’s churning Her escapades end and begin At the Sea View Inn At the Sea View Inn V E R S E 2 A On a business trip to Natchez In your pool bag you find matches From an unfamiliar place Well, she tried to spare you this sting But so frequent was her trysting Just one rendezvous has left a trace He’s not her be-all nor her end-all He is just a hunky Ken doll A diversion for a day Then you learn he's one of ten gents You want justice, you want vengeance You want to make the harlot pay V E R S E 2 B When she married you, she struck gold Now she’s making you a cuckold Still you’ve got to cool your wrath And you’ll kiss your lucky horseshoe, Pray to God she won't divorce you At least once you do the math For if she does, she's gonna clean up ’Cause she never signed that pre-nup There’s no way that you can win But whether she decides to leave you She is off now to deceive you in C H O R U S 2 The Sea View Inn With its blue ocean vistas Nothing stings more than this does To find that she’s been At the Sea View Inn While you’re stuck at home livid With your fantasies vivid You’ve learned about love’s evil twin From the Sea View Inn From the Sea View Inn
9.
Pasadeeny 00:28
O fare thee well to ol’ Pasadeeny So long, Cal Tech and the Rose Bowl too I’ll not parade in your Tournament o’ Roses Remember me to ol’ Pasadoo
10.
V E R S E 1 My life was rock steady Not-break-a-sweat-y When you stumbled right into my heart Then in one fell swoop You threw me for a loop With a start and a stop and a start P R E – C H O R U S 1 From the day we mishappened to meet My tune took a tumble and the bar skipped a beat It was off-again, on-again Here and then gone again In-again, out-again Certain and doubt again Sweeping me right off my feet C H O R U S 2 With that complicated rhythm For me and you Complicated rhythm It’s all we do Complicated rhythm Beats may drop Complicated rhythm We never stop When I push, you push When I pull, you pull Till everybody’s feeling kinda sore Who could ask for anything more Complicated? R E F R A I N Complicated rhythm Com-pli-ca-ted Complicated rhythm V E R S E 2 From the start it was manic With you, my Titanic And I, your Lusitania amour So wrong yet so right Two ships crashing in the night With no one to tow us to shore P R E – C H O R U S 2 You say “potato” and I say “plum” You throw me to the sharks and then you call me “old chum” It was that-away, this-away Spat-away, kiss-away Nip-away, tuck-away Fight-away, fuck-away Still I cannot help but hum C H O R U S 2 That old complicated rhythm Our fickle fate Complicated rhythm We vacillate Complicated rhythm Forth and back Complicated rhythm Retreat attack It’s not you, it’s me It’s not me, it’s you It’s sure a lotta trouble keeping score Who could ask for anything more Complicated? B R I D G E Now, anyone can do it But it’s tricky as pi Many misconstrue it And I can see why Once you fall into it Well, you never can quit The rhythm isn’t gonna get you You gotta get it I N S T R U M E N T A L C H O R U S C H O R U S 3 That old complicated rhythm We got the most Complicated rhythm We rollercoast Complicated rhythm Yes and no Complicated rhythm It’s stop and go Come here! Get away Beat it! Can you stay? Slow down now, will ya? Whatcha waitin’ for? Who could ask for anything more Complicated? R E F R A I N Complicated rhythm Com-pli-ca-ted Complicated rhythm
11.
N T R O ...and on the eighth day, God created progressive rock and He called it “prog.” C H O R U S 1 Just gimme some of that old time prog With Hammond organs and lots of fog In seven-four with an epilogue Just get me near some And make it fearsome I wanna hear some of that old time prog V E R S E 1 I guess that modern jazz is kinda cool, I don't mind the second Viennese school Gregorian chants, well, they’re a bit cliche Indonesian gamelan’s okay I can tolerate a blues guitar In a whole-tone scale and 13-bar Bollywood? I guess I like it fine But there’s only one music of that convulses my spine C H O R U S 2 Just gimme some of that old time prog With epic tales of a magic frog A keyboard soloing demagogue That is my Eden That’s what I’m needin’ My ears are bleedin’ for that old time prog V E R S E 2 I took my girl to see a prog rock show She couldn’t dance to it and made us go She said, “Don’t ever play that noise again.” So I broke up with her there and then I read a write-up on the show I’d seen “Pretentious bunk,” said Billboard magazine But now I’ve met a girl who likes prog too She says, “Baby, just pretend you never read that review” C H O R U S 3 Let’s get us some of that old time prog Where synthesizers are analog The sound that’s making our ears unclog That is our passion Always in fashion No, don’t go trashin’ that old time prog B R I D G E So-o-o, let’s turn the lights dow-own low Go-o-o crank up the stere-eo Slo-o-ow a-a-and then quickening Flickering in the candle’s glow Lost in the musical maze as the hours flow Lo-o-ow, soft now the speaker-ers play Blo-o-ow, incense a sage bouquet Bo-o-old a-a-and then simpering Rollicking late night roundelay Lost in the musical maze till the break o’ day O-o-oh, putting our headpho-ones on Who-o-oah, check out the mello-otron Gro-o-ow-i-i-i-ing and withering Swooning inside a marathon Lost in the musical maze till the early dawn I N S T R U M E N T A L 1 L O S T Where will we go? If we stay There’s no end There’s no over Over all Fall in with me Listen T H E P I L G R A M A G E Ascending through a lightning world of change As grains of sand will stop and rearrange And birds sing greeting welcome without sound To lonely waters churning underground And chasms of the mother mountains grieve We’re waiting all in waiting to believe The gorges move along a canyon road To rendezvous with the Desert Toad I N S T R U M E N T A L 2 F R O G C H O R U S Ollotis alvaria Keeper of bufotenin Spoke thus, “Only seek gaia Find Adri ajana” C H O R U S 3 Go get you some of that old time prog To help escape the mainstream gulag It’s still my favorite dead horse to flog There’s nothing vital As a math recital Go find your idyll in that old time prog Old time prog.
12.
V E R S E 1 A He: She is pretty Pretty ugly But she’s stinkin’ Stinkin’ rich Oh, she’s lousy Lousy with money She’s got the scratch I got the itch V E R S E 1 B She: He is kind Kind of stupid But he’s driven Driven me nuts Still he’s the best The best I could hope for And all I hate about him Is his guts R E F R A I N 1 Yet I so terribly love him There’s no germ or vermin above him He’s so down-to-earth he’s like dirt or debris He’s perfectly awful, but awfully perfect for me V E R S E 2 A He: She is striking Don’t say I didn’t warn you Her voice distinctive Even when she doesn’t yell A fair complexion Well… fair-to-middling She has a special air about her You can smell V E R S E 2 B She: He’s determined Determinedly lazy Makes an impression Wherever he sits Isn’t he dashing? Dashing off for refreshments So larger-than-life That no pair of pants ever fits R E F R A I N 2 He: And I so terribly love her The clothes strewn about reeking of her Her putrid bouquet and her foul potpourri She’s perfectly awful, but awfully perfect for me B R I D G E She’s the sick In the sick’ningly sweet She’s the trick But she’s never the treat She: Biggest prick That you ever could meet And not that kind of meat His condom size is petite V E R S E 3 A Such fine manners So fine, you can’t notice Holds open the door To squeeze himself through He says, “excuse me” When he finishes burping He flushes easily When I remind him to V E R S E 3 B He: People like her People like her repulse me But I put myself second Her money comes first Both: And that’s my champion My champion loser Why should I settle For anyone but the worst? R E F R A I N 3 She: And I so terribly love him Although off a bridge I could shove him He: And I so terribly love her Though her face ought to come with a cover She: A sight for sore eyes He: But an eye-sore to see She: He’s dim but devoted He: She’s lethal but loaded She: So jarring He: So jolting Both: So simply revolting Perfectly awful But awfully perfect For me
13.
V E R S E 1 BRIAN: Oh, God help us! He’s asking “How ya all feeling tonight?” The crowd’s responding By shouting “Woo!” Yet I’m sensing that something’s not right ’Cause now he’s claiming That he can’t hear us. But how could that even be true? He’s quite insistent That we all participate Must I oblige and make the noise he wants me to? Woo! C H O R U S 1 Audience participation Audience participation I’m minding my own business here but he won’t let me be Why must the show include me, me, me, me, me? Why must the show include me? V E R S E 2 Oh, now he’s moving He’s off the stage now He’s making his way down the aisle. Oh, please, dear Jesus, Go somewhere else If he looks over here, I won’t smile But now he’s looming Right above me I can feel his hot breath, he’s so near As he is shouting Into the microphone To announce that he has found his volunteer CHORUS 2 Audience participation Audience participation I made myself invisible, but somehow he could see Why did he have to pick me, me, me, me, me? Why did he have to pick me? B R I D G E Now he pulls me up on stage and asks my name And I answer nicely trying to act cool Soon I realize what he wants is them to laugh at my responses And my only purpose is to play the fool And though he plainly doesn't need my help at all Still he puts me to some task that he's prepared Then he says I’m not complying And the audience is dying With relief that they have narrowly been spared C H O R U S 3 Audience participation Audience participation I bought myself a ticket, Yes, but I did not agree To be humiliated By some second-rate emcee Why did he have to pick me? Oh, hello, there. PAUL: Me? BRIAN: Yes, you. PAUL: Hi. BRIAN: What’s your name? PAUL: Paul. BRIAN: Hey, Paul, where are you from? PAUL:Um, Los Angeles? BRIAN: Oh, that’s an interesting place to be from, I suppose. Listen, when you get singled out in a crowd, put on the spot, does that make you feel uncomfortable at all? PAUL: I don’t know. Hm. BRIAN: And does your denial of feeling uncomfortable perhaps stem from some unresolved issues from childhood? PAUL: Um, maybe? BRIAN: Perhaps it's a deep sense of inferiority – you think you’re not worthy? PAUL: I didn’t say that. BRIAN: Or maybe it’s a feeling of smug superiority – you think you’re better than everyone else, don’t you, Paul? PAUL: No… BRIAN: Now, Paul, if you can’t be any more forthcoming, then you’ve wasted everyone’s time. And I’ll have to call on someone else. You wouldn’t want me to have to do that, now, would you? PAUL: Sure! BRIAN: Actually, I am going to call on someone else. I’m going to call on all of you to help me sing this song. I’ll sing the first line and you repeat it. Ready? C H O R U S 4 Audience participation You try! AUDIENCE: Audience participation BRIAN: Well, that was all right… considering... Now let’s do the second line. Audience participation AUDIENCE: Audience participation BRIAN: Hey, that was good! Let’s put it all together and go on. Except you won’t go on because you don’t know the rest of the lyrics. But here goes. 1-2-3-4 BRIAN & AUDIENCE: Audience participation Audience participation BRIAN: And now we’ve suffered long enough, It’s time that we’re set free And if you all concur, Then you can join in with my plea Why do they always pick me, me, me, me, me? Why do they always pick me? Everybody! BRIAN & AUDIENCE: Why do they always pick me, me, me, me, me? Why do they always pick - BRIAN: Take it, Paul! PAUL: Me BRIAN: Huh, odd choice, Paul. I was actually gonna say Me__ But that’ll do. Paul, ladies and gentlemen.
14.
Don Knotts 00:25
Don Knotts died today Don Knotts died today Don Knotts died today Again On Facebook
15.
WD-Forty 01:59
I N T R O When the gears get seized up And nothin’ wants to move There’s a magic potion That makes life go down real smooth V E R S E 1 Too much whinin’, too much bitchin’ He won’t talk, and she won’t listen Not enough grindin’ but way too much friction They need some dubya D forty V E R S E 2 Not much future, too much history She’s too touchy, and he’s too bristly Someone should put ’em out of their misery And get ’em some dubya D forty B R I D G E 1 Now, some folks plain refuse to budge And others get - impatient When all they really needs a squirt Of industrial lubrication V E R S E 3 Too much takin’, and no givin’ Too much was, and too much isn’t Indeedy she did. Uh-oh, no, he didn’t It’s time for dubya D forty I N S T R U M E N T A L B R I D G E 2 Yep, that’s what helps you get unstuck You just apply it - weekly It’s handy in the bedroom too When the box spring’s soundin’ creaky V E R S E 4 She was a shrew. He was a tyrant Now she’s supple, now he’s pliant And we can all get us some peace and some quiet Thanks to that dubya D forty Thanks to that dubya D forty Thanks to that dubya D forty
16.
Wow! Where do you get all your ideas? Do you just make ’em up in your head? Huh-huh, I guess so. Duh… How do you come up with stuff like that? You must be really creative. Really? I can never think of any ideas. Nothing ever comes to mind. Ha-ha-ha! That’s funny? You know what? You should write a song about that.
17.
V E R S E 1 Some band wants to play my wine bar They’ve been calling me for months They’re politely sending emails Left their CD. More than once. After checkin’ the first second of it, Hoo-boy, does it suck! No way’m I bookin’ that. Not at my classy place. Good luck. But how am I tellin’ ’em so? Is there some way of lettin’ ’em know? Hmm… oh! C H O R U S 1 Don’t call back, yeah, don’t call back. They can either think I think they stink Or their demo’s still in the stack don’t call back , yeah, don’t call back. I’ll save those fifteen awkward seconds they would put me through And let ’em down real easy It’s the least that I can do ’Cause when in doubt, why spell it out? Instead just don’t call back, yeah, don’t call back, yeah, don't call back oo ooh! Don’t call back, yeah, don’t call back, yeah, don't call back V E R S E 2 I’ve been going with this woman for, like, practically a year And i’ve taken her to wine tastings I’ve whispered in her ear But when she says I love you Well, I always tell her, “yep” And it makes me wince when she drops hints about taking it to the next step Now how can I push her away? When I know what she wants me to say? Hmm… hey! C H O R U S 2 Don’t call back, just don’t call back. She can leave a hundred messages, I ain’t gonna be keeping track. Don’t call back, just don’t call back. Ignore her texts and telegrams And cards and flowers too I’ll piss her off so much until she's really glad we're through I know she’ll hear me loud and clear Long as I don’t call back, yeah, Don’t call back, yeah, don't call back, etc. B R I D G E Awkward It’s so awkward Trying to find the things to say It’s much more chill to sneak away Too much information Don’t get all explicit here. It’s not that I don’t want to see somebody gettin’ hurt It’s just the truth can be a little difficult to blurt V E R S E 3 Oh, whoops! I've fallen down a well Yes, it seems that's what I've done Who puts a well outside a winery? And, like, facing in the sun? Now the water's getting colder and it's hard to stay afloat I’m all alone, I’ve dropped my phone and this screaming is hurting my throat. I see you peer over the wall Pretending you can’t hear me call Hey-hey, down here, y’all! C H O R U S 3 A Don’t call back Seriously? You don’t call back? The non-chalance of your non-response is an interesting tack Don’t call back All right, just don’t call back You’re thinking to yourself Why should this burden fall to you? To put you on the spot That’s such a cheeky thing to do Why get involved? It’s easily solved if you C H O R U S 3 B Don’t call back, yeah, don’t call back But if in spite of your indifference I survive this waterloo When I pull myself to freedom That’s a day you’re gonna rue I’ll settle score when I ignore each and every one of you. You’ll all be toast when I go ghost and simply don’t call back, etc.
18.
I N T R O Most people have one or two And some people have quite a few Such idiosyncrasies But I do not have one of these V E R S E 1 This one will repeat word “Achoo!” anytime she feels a sneeze coming on That one always leaves the door ajar and talks to you when he is using the john The other one, on catching her reflection, will purse her lips and arch her brow and flare her nostrils like a horse P R E – C H O R U S 1 But that doesn’t make them jerks They’ve just got their little quirks And everybody has them. Well, that is, except for me, of course. C H O R U S 1 For I___ am a man with no foible I___ am a completely enjoyable Guy___ with no need for allowance, excuse or alibi Oh, I___ am a man with no foible Not a foible__ have I V E R S E 2 One tells me that I eat like a pig, I wolf my food so fast, I’ll probably choke One says I re-phrase the funny comments that she makes like I came up with the joke The other says I’m arrogant and snooty As when I demonstrate the music that he likes is only noise P R E – C H O R U S 2 But despite these glaring flaws I forgive them their faux pas I overlook their failings, For not everyone can have my poise C H O R U S 1 As I___ am a man with no foible I’m___ made of a mettle unalloyable Try___ and you’ll find no shortcomings or frailties to descry Oh, I___ am a man with no foible. Not a foible___ have I B R I D G E Well, yes, I tie my shoes when I get nervous But just because I want to Yes, I clutch my testes on the subway For something to hold onto Sure, I hide my boogers in the sofa But everybody does that I own up to foul deeds I do Oh, god, that smell! Who was that? Sure, I use a steak knife when I pick my teeth. But only after eating I only spoil movies that I’ve seen ’cause otherwise it would be cheating. I give my friends the blow-by-blow of all my dreams ’cause mine are entertaining I like to piss on other people’s legs, but I would never claim it’s raining P R E – C H O R U S 3 Despite what anybody thinks I have no tics or faults or kinks And as for those who claim I do I say they ought to go see shrinks C H O R U S 3 Yes, I ___ am a man with no foible I___ guess unless you’re annoyable by___ something I do that bugs you for no good reason why Oh, I ___ am a man with no foible Not a foible___ have I Have I_____
19.
The worst song on the album There's always got to be one Prove me wrong
20.
Women! Know what I’m sayin’? Forget about it. Know what I mean? It’s like, I don’t know, ya know, I don’t know. Gimme a break. Pardon me. I know it’s none of my business, but I think you got a problem. Want to know what your problem it? Women. I hope you don’t mind my sayin’ so. I just call ’em like I see ’em. You gotta understand something: Every woman is always, “Can we talk?” We she can talk all she wants…. Obviously. Talk is cheap. But like they say, “Actions is louder than words” You said that right! Got nothin’ to say, why say it? Shut up already. You’re talkin’ a lot but you ain’t sayin’ anything. Know what I mean? Women! What can ya do? I’m tellin’ ya… Go figure. It’s like, I don’t know, ya know, I don’t know. Tell me about it! And what’s with women? They’re always complaining about us. Like we’re all the same. “Men this, men that!” Don’t look at me, honey1 I didn’t make the rules I meant, a man’s gotta do what a man’s…. Ya know, and like that. What does she expect? You’re only human. Now don’t get me wrong. I love women I mean, I’m not like… Hey… Okay? I mean, no way. Watch it! But you can take it too far. Like that story -- that guy, that big shot, and that girl -- you know the famous pair. At first they’re all like [kissing sound]. Puhlease… Look at ’em now. She’s givin’ him grief. He’s like whatever. She’s outta here. Guess who pays? Hello! What’s up with that? Women! Yeah, right? Believe me. What can I say? It’s like, I don’t know, ya know, I don’t know. Whatever. Now, I know what you’re thinkin’? Who is this guy? What does he know from women? I know, believe me, I know But you don’t have to take my advice. Don’t listen to me. Hey, but before ya go, I was wonderin’: You know anyplace around here that’s good to meet girls? For some reason, I keep shtrikin’ out. Can you believe it? Women! Know what I’m sayin’? For get about it Know what I mean? It’s like, I don’t know, ya know, I don’t know. Say that again! Gimme a break!
21.
You Rock 00:16
You rock You piece of dirt You clump of earth Unprecious stone That children kick And cavemen knock You rock
22.
I N T R O Brian: When I’m in an argument That doesn’t go my way I trot out my trusty tactic That always wins the day C H O R U S 1 If you say something I disagree with You're like Hitler V E R S E 1 A You liberals want to force us to get medically insured That’s like socialism and the Nazis used that word Free contraception That's eugenics Just like Hitler V E R S E 1 B You’re pushing for big government To regulate the banks What’s next? Invading Poland with two thousand Panzer tanks? First Glass-Steagall Then the Anschluss Just like Hitler C H O R U S 2 You say something I disagree with You're like Hitler Everybody! Audience: (You’re like Hitler) Brian: Very good! You say something I disagree with You're like Hitler Audience: (You’re like Hitler) Brian: You say something I disagree with You're like Hitler Audience: (You’re like Hitler) Brian: You guys are great at following orders! V E R S E 2 A You conservatives are scheming to put prayer back into school That’s a slippery slope to having single party rule A moment of silence leads to fascism Just like Hitler V E R S E 2 B You want to ban abortions, and a woman’s right to choose Next thing you know, why, you’ll be gassing all the Jews Pro-life politics Same as the Holocaust You’re like Hitler B R I D G E First they came for the off-shore tax havens But I was not an off-shore tax haven, So I said nothing. C H O R U S 3 You said something I disagree with You're like Hitler Audience: (You’re like Hitler) V E R S E 3 A Brian: You say not to call you Hitler, the analogy’s unfair You say it’s like what Goebbels did. I see what you did there I called you Hitler You called me Hitler That’s so Hitler V E R S E 3 B And when someone who is actually like Hitler comes along What warning can I sound that is adequately strong? I know! Mussolini! No one will believe me ’Cause they’re like Hitler C H O R U S 4 You said something We disagree with You're like Hitler Audience: (You’re like Hitler) E X T E N S I O N Brian: You’re like Hitler Audience: (You’re like Hitler) Brian: No, you're like Hitler Audience: (You’re like Hitler) Brian: Hitler!
23.
Flashmob! 00:15
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-ow Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-ow Hey, everybody, it’s a flashmob! Flashmob!
24.
I hold your hand in mine dear I press it to my lips I take a healthy bite from your dainty fingertips My joy would be complete dear if you were only here But still I keep your hand as a precious souvenir The night you died I cut it off I really don't know why For now each time I kiss it I get blood stains on my tie I'm sorry now I killed you For our love was something fine Until they come to get me, I shall hold your hand in mine
25.
Hey Guys 02:38
Hey what’s up guys. This is Ray Zapronak from Ray Z Tutorials? Today I’m gonna go ahead and show you how to use the Vocoder effect in Logic Pro X. The Vocoder effect allows you to go ahead and transform your voice to the sound of a instrument, or transform your instrument to the sound of a voice. It’s that robot voice effect you always hear sometimes. They say there are supposably some other third party standalone Vocoders that are supposably better than Logic’s? But this is like super convenient. Plus, honestly, I never tried those other ones, so save that for a later tutorial. Haha. LOL. Okay. So, first thing you’re gonna wanna go ahead and do is, is you’re gonna wanna go ahead and make sure you have a piece of audio to work with. I sometimes usually always just use my own voice. So the very next thing you’re gonna wanna do is you’re gonna wanna go ahead and bring up a new software instrument. You can easily go ahead and do that by just going ahead and selecting this button right here. Next you’re gonna wanna go ahead and scroll down and select the EVOC 20 PS Synth Vocoder and choose stereo output. Remember not to skip that step. I sometimes never remember to choose stereo, so I sometimes always have to go back and select it again. Literally. Now first thing you’re gonna wanna go ahead and do is you’re gonna wanna go ahead and sidechain the signal. Sidechain sounds complicated but it’s just a technical term for how sidechain a signal. That’s turnt up. And hey, we’re pretty much almost all the way there to get this set up. So, now the very next thing you’re gonna wanna do is you’re gonna wanna go ahead and find the sound that you wanna go ahead and use for vocoding. I’ve chosen this rad synth sound with some cool chord changes I laid down earlier. Next thing we’re gonna wanna do is you wanna go over to our signal area? And make sure we have VOC selected. I’m gonna go ahead and hit play. ’N’ that’s it. I hope this helps you get to achieve the final net end results you’re looking for using the Vocoder effect. Okay guys, thanks for watching. And please subscribe to my YouTube page, Ray Z tutorials. Later.
26.
Share this song if you care about cancer Pass it along if you care about cancer For if you don’t share Then you’re not aware And you don’t really care about cancer
27.
V E R S E 1 Those were the best pancakes ever Better than the ones I had last week Better than those amazing ones that everybody was raving about for years Better than the ones from the really popular restaurant that was voted as having the best pancakes of 2004 Better even than the pancakes I had the first time I ever had pancakes in my entire life Those were good. But they’re nothing compared to the ones I just had C H O R U S The best ever The best ever The best Ever V E R S E 2 My mom's the best mom ever. After an exhaustive survey of all living mothers and all mothers that have ever lived. Billions and billions of mothers. It turns out my mom is better at being a mother than all other mothers. Imagine that! Your mom sucks, by comparison. I mean statistically. And actually. CHORUS V E R S E 3 That was the best sex ever. Better than all those other times I told you that was the best sex ever. And everybody else I ever told that was the best sex ever. And better than every time anybody else who ever had sex said that was the best sex ever. This time was it. Doesn't get any better than that. B R I D G E Like I say to my BFFs, you're the best. Then I say the same to all the rest. V E R S E 4 This is the best country ever. The greatest country on earth. I know because this is where I live. It's so obvious from my point of view that I don't even have to think about it. That's what makes it so great. Those other countries think they’re so special. Go around talking about how great they think they are. We’ll show ’em how great they are. Don't push it. CHORUS

about

Volume 1 of Anthems & Antithets

credits

released February 1, 2020

Brian Woodbury: vocs, gtrs, bass, keys, perc, uke, banjo, amateur fiddle, autoharp, programming, arranging, FX
Marc Muller: gtrs & arranging (Ava, If, Awful, WD-40);
bass (Awful, WD-40); uke (Awful)
Sam Woodbury: gtrs (Eternal, Prog, Don’t, Worst);
bass (Worst)
Jim Kimo West: gtr (Complicated); nylon (Hold)
Paul F. Perry: nylon & vocs (Sea, Audience)
Edwin Livingston: upright bass (Sea, Complicated)
Johnny Unicorn: bass, keys, co-lead vocs & arranging (Prog)
Mark Pardy: drums (Bad, If, Ava, Eternal, Prog)
Andy Sanesi: drums (Complicated, Don’t)
Joe Berardi: drums (Women)
Nick Ariondo: accordion (Women)
Narib Yubrodow: accordion (Bad, Audience)
Peter Lurye: piano & arranging (Picture, Brain)
Nick Mancini: vibes (Sea)
Sara Parkins: violins (Eternal, Foible, Women)
Maggie Parkins: cellos (Foible, Women)
Jimbo Ross: viola (Women)
Mark Hollingsworth: flutes, saxes, recorders (Prog);
clarinets (Hitler)
Sal Lazano: saxes (Women)
Chris Tedesco: french horns (Eternal); trumpets (Foible)
Chris Olness: tuba (Hitler)
Allen Savedoff: bassoon (Prog)
Joe Moe: lead vocal (Eternal)
Deb Hiett: co-lead vocal (Awful); bgd vocal (Audience, Hitler)
Amy Keys: soprano, Gospel vocal (Eternal)
Kathi Funston: soprano (Eternal, Complicated)
Heather Marsden: alto (Eternal, Complicated)
Gary Stockdale: tenor (Eternal, Complicated)
Bob Joyce: bass-baritone (Eternal, Complicated)
Amy Engelhardt: bgd vocs (Bad)
Marc Doten: bgd vocs (Ava, Sea, Prog)
Bill Berry: bgd vocs (Ava, Hitler)
Elma Mayer: bgd vocs (Audience, Hitler)
Mable Valley House Concert audience (Audience, Hitler)
Dan Cubert: additional perc (Foible); FX (Prog)

Mixed by Dan Cubert
Mastered by Danny Blume
Produced by Brian Woodbury
Photos & design by John Goss
Brian Woodbury photo by Cat Gwynn
Podium photos by Michael McClure, mmcphoto.com
Mark Pardy uses Sabian cymbals and Promark sticks
Andy Sanesi uses DW drums, Sabian cymbals, Remo drum heads, Vic Firth sticks & Beato cases

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Brian Woodbury Los Angeles, California

Brian Woodbury is a Los Angeles composer, lyricist and bandleader who writes musicals, post-modern jazz compositions, quirky pop, country songs and music for children's TV.

contact / help

Contact Brian Woodbury

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this album or account

If you like Brian Woodbury, you may also like: