1. |
My Bad
03:23
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V E R S E 1
I’m sorry I said sorry right when you were in my way
I know I should have thought of something
more polite to say
I wanted to alert you that you ought to move you arm
I didn’t want to injure it to pull the fire alarm
I know it’s no excuse but that’s the only one I had
My bad
V E R S E 2
I’m sorry I said sorry when you trampled on my toe
The fire escape was crowded.
There was nowhere else to go
Your cleats had pierced my Birkenstocks.
I didn’t want to shout
I wasn’t even thinking when “I’m sorry” just came out
I think I thought that you might somehow
think that I was mad
C H O R U S
My bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, etc.
V E R S E 3
I’m sorry I said sorry
when we both were trying to speak
I’m sorry if you thought that it was meant as a critique
We both saw someone up there
as the roof began to burn
I told the first responder, but I didn’t wait my turn
I’m sure there were important details
you had meant to add
C H O R U S
My bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, etc.
B R I D G E
Why must I take the blame?
It isn’t fun to do
But like my mother says
And my father says
And my wife says, sorry
My ex-wife says
And my girlfriend says
And her boyfriend says
And my therapist says
My chiropractor says
“Why is everything your fault?”
So, I know it must be true.
V E R S E 4
I’m sorry I said sorry at my witness interview
In hindsight maybe that was not the wisest thing to do
I gave my testimony. The detective thought I lied.
He asked why I was sorry if I had no crime to hide
And now I’m in for arson though my alibi was ironclad
C H O R U S
My bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, etc.
BG: (Who’s sorry now?)
My bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, my bad, etc.
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2. |
Picture Me
03:07
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I N T R O
We’ve only met online—
But we are soulmates all the same
Though I’m guessing DesperateSingleGirl
Is not your actual name
Your profile touched me where it counts
So here’s my virtual calling card
And as you hold it in your hand
Think about me long and hard
V E R S E 1 A
When you go to bed at night
Before you snuff your smart phone light
Read this note and then swipe right to
Picture me
V E R S E 1 B
It may have given you a start
This too tumescent work of art
But it reveals what’s in my heart
So picture me
B R I D G E 1
Though it’s dimly lit and grainy
This vision from afar
Almost varicose-ly veiny
It’s my gift to you, whoever you are
V E R S E 1 C
It may seem forward, that is true
I can send one taken sideways too
Either shows how I want you
To picture me
V E R S E 2 A
Boorish fellows may affix
Their photos just to get some kicks
But I’m not like those other dicks
So picture me
V E R S E 2 B
I could have set a slower pace
But why not cut right to the chase
And let me get all in your face?
Just picture me
B R I D G E 2
As for size, no prize I’d win, dear
I’m ungainly, blunt and red
But it’s not shame or chagrin, dear
That’s making the blood rush to my head
V E R S E 2 C
And if you succumb to my allures
It’s only fair, as love matures,
I’ve shown you mine, now show me yours
Yes, picture me
I N S T R U M E N T A L
B R I D G E 3
If, in spite of my entreaty,
You choose to pass me by
I will find another sweetie
One whose standards aren’t so high
V E R S E 3
There’s plenty more where you came from
To reach out to, till my thumbs go numb
Ready or not, girls, here I come
Ooh, that’s it!
Picture me
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3. |
If I Knew
03:38
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V E R S E 1
Don’t know much about biology
I’ve forgotten all my history
Couldn’t pass a whiskey bar exam
That’s the kind of person that I am
What made the universe, I wouldn’t know
I wasn’t there a thousand years ago
Ain’t that much that I know much about
All goes in one ear and right back out
C H O R U S 1
I do the best that I can do
And maybe I don’t have a clue
But would it be a better world if I knew?
A truly better world if I knew?
V E R S E 2
Sure, I learned about the birds and bees
I know what makes my Hyundai go is keys
I get that dirt is down and stars are up
Sixty-four ounces in my super cup
I know statistics for my favorite teams
And stuff I read [past tense] off of some Facebook memes
Like lawyers cheat and politicians lie
The news is fake, but I can’t tell you why
C H O R U S 2
I do the best that I can do
And maybe I don’t have a clue
And would it be a better world if I knew?
A truly better world if I knew?
B R I D G E
You can tell me I’m dumb
But smart is over-rated
And I don’t care what you say
Besides it isn’t my fault
That I’m not educated.
Hey, I was just born this way
V E R S E 3
Don't know much about the dinosaurs
But I’m sure they're not my ancestors
I don't hold with so-called expertise
Spell my plurals with apostrophes
Science – that’s just theories you can’t prove
Climates that warm and continents that move
Your facts will not convince me, please don’t try
My ignorance – that is my alibi
C H O R U S 3
’Cause when I see what you go through
For knowing all you know is true
It wouldn’t be better world if I knew
To have to see from your point of view
And realize all the work left to do
I guess I’d rather I never knew
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4. |
Ava's Couch
03:04
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V E R S E 1 A
My cousin kicked me out
’cause I wasn’t payin’ rent
And my student loan defaulted
and my vouchers all got spent
Started crashin’ with my buddies,
Wound up sleepin’ on the floor
I got bored of smokin’ all their weed
and playing PS4
V E R S E 1 B
Then a couple weeks with Matthew
But that dude’s a total slob
He kept runnin’ out of groceries
He kept sayin’, “Get a job”
My life was goin’ nowhere
Man, I’d thought my luck was through
But then my dreams came true
Right when I surfed onto
C H O R U S
Ava’s couch
I’m so pumped up! This is rad!
Though she doesn’t know how much I wan’ her
I’m crushin’ on her bad
I’m sittin’ pretty on Ava’s couch
And I’m just bidin’ my sweet time
To cook up
How we’ll hook up
Hey, Matt, how ’bout that? I’m no slouch
On Ava’s couch
On Ava’s couch
V E R S E 2
I had my eye on Ava
Back since San Diego State
She’d come cryin’ on my shoulder
‘bout the guys she used to date
She says now I can crash here
Till my internship comes in
So either way I win
My slickest move has been
C H O R U S 2
Ava’s couch
Now if only I could score
But I wonder if she wants to do me
Or wants a roomie more
Still I’m here, I’m on Ava’s couch
I hope she pickin’ up the signs
I’m showin’
But she’s goin’
“Could you move your hack-y sack pouch?”
On Ava’s couch
On Ava’s couch
B R I D G E
I want her to be my girlfriend
Takin’ her to Olive Garden, handin’ her a rose
But she wants me to be her girlfriend
Watchin’ Gilmore Girls
and eatin’ Honey Nut Cheerios
S O L O
C H O R U S
Why did I surf onto
Ava’s couch?
She’s askin’ me to feed her cat
While she’s goin’ out to grab a bite with
And spend the night with Matt
(Seriously, Matt?)
How’d I end up on Ava’s couch?
Bet she’s already set her mind
To boot me
Ah, just shoot me.
She calls me her B.F.F.
Ouch!
On Ava’s couch
On Ava’s couch
On Ava’s couch
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5. |
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V E R S E 1
I have wandered through the desert of my story
To quench a thirst for what this life could mean
In the empty glare of falsehood all around me
I was blind to the light of a realm that’s unseen
But from the sins of this long trial
The pain I’ve put my poor soul through
I’ve learned there's something greater
That my life is leading to
C H O R U S
Eternal damnation
Burning churning hellfire world without end
Always one more everlasting day left to spend
In eternal damnation
Damnation
P O S T – C H O R U S
Ow-ow, ow-ow
Ow-ow, ow-ow, ow-ow ow-ow
V E R S E 2
I have led a life of vanity and pleasure
I’ve coveted more than you'd care to hear
And I took God's name in vein and worked on Sunday
Did not pray, did not praise, had no faith, had no fear
Nor did I ask Him for forgiveness
Nor did I choose to seek His face
So God has rightly deemed
That He must send me to this place
CHORUS
Of eternal damnation
Burning churning hellfire world without end
Always one more everlasting day left to spend
In eternal damnation
Damnation
POST-CHORUS
Ow-ow, ow-ow
Ow-ow, ow-ow, ow-ow ow-ow
B R I D G E
Fly
With the winds
You’re beholding Jesus, in Rapture
Alas, I
With these sins
weighed my soul
down for Satan to capture
C H O R U S 3
In eternal damnation
Boiling toiling torment of a life with no rest
Bound in ceaseless suffering in this sulfurous nest
Of eternal damnation
Damnation
C H O R U S 4
Eternal damnation
Burning churning hellfire world without end
Always one more everlasting day left to spend
(Left to spend)
In eternal damnation
Damnation
Damnation
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6. |
The Brain
04:26
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V E R S E 1
What makes the loathsome psychopath
Hike a path of evil?
Exploring every cruelty and excess?
To spike the punch with ipecac
Or microwave a weevil
The cause has long been anybody's guess
Just how can he achieve
the satisfaction that he wants
From biting chicken’s heads off
With sadistic nonchalance?
What fills him with the savagery
To thrill from causing pain?
We now know that the answer is his brain
C H O R U S 1
A-ha! His brain makes him do it
His brain makes him do it
It makes him vivisect his victims,
then extract their suet
So do not cast aspersions,
He should not endure the stain
The fault lies not with him but with his brain
V E R S E 2
What gives the firm believer
Such a fever for her God?
So certain of a presence she has felt?
Transcendence and epiphanies
that sound a little odd
Unless you’ve walked a mile where she’s knelt
What makes the Muslim face the east
And bow and all that stuff?
What makes the born-again convinced
That once was not enough?
What gives the faithful one the faith
her faith will never wane?
A familiar aberration of the brain
C H O R U S 2
That’s all! Her brain makes her do it
Her brain makes her do it
The God Spot in her cortex
Gets a neural impulse to it
Religious feelings science
heretofore could not explain
But now we’ve found the G-spot in her brain
B R I D G E
Do I really feel and think and mean
what I hope I mean?
Nope, it’s only serotonin, noradrenalin and dopamine
Every notion or mood, passing thought, attitude
That I have, or forget, or repress, or memorize
Can be best understood just by scanning my brain
with a series of MRIs
V E R S E 3
What makes the newly amorous
So clamorous and wild?
To feel they fit each other like a glove?
They grope, mope, or elope
They free their inner feral child
What gives them this delusion they’re in love?
They adulate and fawn and dote
With sighs and coos and chirps
Appreciate each other’s farts,
Complete each other’s burps
What makes them lose all reason,
Just to suffer through such strain?
A condition of the post-pubescent brain
C H O R U S 3
You see? The brain makes them do it
The brain makes them do it
It gets gonads to go, pituitaries to pituit
And everything they feel is magic really is quite plain
The part they call the heart is in the brain
C H O R U S 4
Ho-ho! Your brain makes you do it
Your brain makes you do it
It makes you doubt, associate,
guess, wonder and intuit
And all complex experience
Is nothing so arcane
Just signals and receptors in your brain
E X T E N S I O N
And if you think this explanation sounds a bit inane
Don't fret your pretty head, that’s just your brain
Try not to overthink it, it’s your brain
Just get it through your thick skull
It’s your brain
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7. |
Medical Emergency
00:26
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Hello!
If you’re having a medical emergency
Stop listening to the song and dial 911
Stop listening to this song!
Stop listening to this song!
Stop listening to the song!
And dial 911!
If you’re having a medical emergency
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8. |
The Sea View Inn
03:55
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V E R S E 1 A
Though you wife has been allaying
Your suspicions, folks are saying
That she's busy running 'round
With any boy toy who is handy
That's her modus operandi
But as yet no evidence is found
For she's furtive and clandestine
She won't have her handsome guest in
She goes elsewhere to cavort
Somewhere scenic, some sultry
Somewhere perfect for adultery
Off to an inn of last resort
V E R S E 1 B
Yes, your darling who was once green
Is now smoothly rubbing sunscreen
Onto some stranger's back
In the smell of oxybenzone
He is not long for the friendzone
Very soon they'll hit the sack
She met this one at the foot spa
And she had a lot of chutzpah
To invite him for a spin
If you knew it, it would grieve you
That they’re off now to deceive you in
C H O R U S 1
The Sea View Inn
Great for quick assignations
Those impromptu vacations
A beach front for sin
At the Sea View Inn
Where their passions are burning
And the ice machine’s churning
Her escapades end and begin
At the Sea View Inn
At the Sea View Inn
V E R S E 2 A
On a business trip to Natchez
In your pool bag you find matches
From an unfamiliar place
Well, she tried to spare you this sting
But so frequent was her trysting
One rendezvous has left a trace
He’s not her be-all nor her end-all
He is just a hunky Ken doll
A diversion for a day
Then you learn he's one of ten gents
You want justice, you want vengeance
You want to make the harlot pay
V E R S E 2 B
When she married you, she struck gold
Now she’s making you a cuckold
Still you’ve got to cool your wrath
And you’ll kiss your lucky horseshoe,
Pray to God she won't divorce you
At least once you do the math
For if she does, she's gonna clean up
’Cause she never signed that pre-nup
There’s no way that you can win
But whether she decides to leave you
She is off now to deceive you in
C H O R U S 2
The Sea View Inn
With its blue ocean vistas
Nothing stings more than this does
To find that she’s been
At the Sea View Inn
While you’re stuck at home livid
With your fantasies vivid
You’ve learned about love’s evil twin
From the Sea View Inn
From the Sea View Inn
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9. |
Pasadeeny
00:28
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O fare thee well to ol’ Pasadeeny
So long, Cal Tech and the Rose Bowl too
I’ll not parade in your Tournament o’ Roses
Remember me to ol’ Pasadoo
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10. |
Complicated Rhythm
02:59
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V E R S E 1
My life was rock steady
Not-break-a-sweat-y
When you stumbled right into my heart
Then in one fell swoop
You threw me for a loop
With a start and a stop and a start
P R E – C H O R U S 1
From the day we mishappened to meet
My tune took a tumble and the bar skipped a beat
It was off-again, on-again
Here and then gone again
In-again, out-again
Certain and doubt again
Sweeping me right off my feet
C H O R U S 2
With that complicated rhythm
For me and you
Complicated rhythm
It’s all we do
Complicated rhythm
Beats may drop
Complicated rhythm
We never stop
When I push, you push
When I pull, you pull
Till everybody’s feeling kinda sore
Who could ask for anything more
Complicated?
R E F R A I N
Complicated rhythm
Com-pli-ca-ted
Complicated rhythm
V E R S E 2
From the start it was manic
With you, my Titanic
And I, your Lusitania amour
So wrong yet so right
Two ships crashing in the night
With no one to tow us to shore
P R E – C H O R U S 2
You say “potato” and I say “plum”
You throw me to the sharks
and then you call me “old chum”
It was that-away, this-away
Spat-away, kiss-away
Nip-away, tuck-away
Fight-away, fuck-away
Still I cannot help but hum
C H O R U S 2
That old complicated rhythm
Our fickle fate
Complicated rhythm
We vacillate
Complicated rhythm
Forth and back
Complicated rhythm
Retreat attack
It’s not you, it’s me
It’s not me, it’s you
It’s sure a lotta trouble keeping score
Who could ask for anything more
Complicated?
B R I D G E
Now, anyone can do it
But it’s tricky as pi
Many misconstrue it
And I can see why
Once you fall into it
Well, you never can quit
The rhythm isn’t gonna get you
You gotta get it
I N S T R U M E N T A L C H O R U S
C H O R U S 3
That old complicated rhythm
We got the most
Complicated rhythm
We rollercoast
Complicated rhythm
Yes and no
Complicated rhythm
It’s stop and go
Come here! Get away
Beat it! Can you stay?
Slow down now, will ya? Whatcha waitin’ for?
Who could ask for anything more
Complicated?
R E F R A I N
Complicated rhythm
Com-pli-ca-ted
Complicated rhythm
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11. |
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N T R O
...and on the eighth day, God created progressive rock
and He called it “prog.”
C H O R U S 1
Just gimme some of that old time prog
With Hammond organs and lots of fog
In seven-four with an epilogue
Just get me near some
And make it fearsome
I wanna hear some of that old time prog
V E R S E 1
I guess that modern jazz is kinda cool,
I don't mind the second Viennese school
Gregorian chants, well, they’re a bit cliche
Indonesian gamelan’s okay
I can tolerate a blues guitar
In a whole-tone scale and 13-bar
Bollywood? I guess I like it fine
But there’s only one music of that convulses my spine
C H O R U S 2
Just gimme some of that old time prog
With epic tales of a magic frog
A keyboard soloing demagogue
That is my Eden
That’s what I’m needin’
My ears are bleedin’ for that old time prog
V E R S E 2
I took my girl to see a prog rock show
She couldn’t dance to it and made us go
She said, “Don’t ever play that noise again.”
So I broke up with her there and then
I read a write-up on the show I’d seen
“Pretentious bunk,” said Billboard magazine
But now I’ve met a girl who likes prog too
She says, “Baby, just pretend you never read that review”
C H O R U S 3
Let’s get us some of that old time prog
Where synthesizers are analog
The sound that’s making our ears unclog
That is our passion
Always in fashion
No, don’t go trashin’ that old time prog
B R I D G E
So-o-o, let’s turn the lights dow-own low
Go-o-o crank up the stere-eo
Slo-o-ow a-a-and then quickening
Flickering in the candle’s glow
Lost in the musical maze as the hours flow
Lo-o-ow, soft now the speaker-ers play
Blo-o-ow, incense a sage bouquet
Bo-o-old a-a-and then simpering
Rollicking late night roundelay
Lost in the musical maze till the break o’ day
O-o-oh, putting our headpho-ones on
Who-o-oah, check out the mello-otron
Gro-o-ow-i-i-i-ing and withering
Swooning inside a marathon
Lost in the musical maze till the early dawn
I N S T R U M E N T A L 1
L O S T
Where will we go?
If we stay
There’s no end
There’s no over
Over all
Fall in with me
Listen
T H E P I L G R A M A G E
Ascending through a lightning world of change
As grains of sand will stop and rearrange
And birds sing greeting welcome without sound
To lonely waters churning underground
And chasms of the mother mountains grieve
We’re waiting all in waiting to believe
The gorges move along a canyon road
To rendezvous with the Desert Toad
I N S T R U M E N T A L 2
F R O G C H O R U S
Ollotis alvaria
Keeper of bufotenin
Spoke thus, “Only seek gaia
Find Adri ajana”
C H O R U S 3
Go get you some of that old time prog
To help escape the mainstream gulag
It’s still my favorite dead horse to flog
There’s nothing vital
As a math recital
Go find your idyll in that old time prog
Old time prog.
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12. |
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V E R S E 1 A
He: She is pretty
Pretty ugly
But she’s stinkin’
Stinkin’ rich
Oh, she’s lousy
Lousy with money
She’s got the scratch
I got the itch
V E R S E 1 B
She: He is kind
Kind of stupid
But he’s driven
Driven me nuts
Still he’s the best
The best I could hope for
And all I hate about him
Is his guts
R E F R A I N 1
Yet I so terribly love him
There’s no germ or vermin above him
He’s so down-to-earth he’s like dirt or debris
He’s perfectly awful, but awfully perfect for me
V E R S E 2 A
He: She is striking
Don’t say I didn’t warn you
Her voice distinctive
Even when she doesn’t yell
A fair complexion
Well… fair-to-middling
She has a special air about her
You can smell
V E R S E 2 B
She: He’s determined
Determinedly lazy
Makes an impression
Wherever he sits
Isn’t he dashing?
Dashing off for refreshments
So larger-than-life
That no pair of pants ever fits
R E F R A I N 2
He: And I so terribly love her
The clothes strewn about reeking of her
Her putrid bouquet and her foul potpourri
She’s perfectly awful, but awfully perfect for me
B R I D G E
She’s the sick
In the sick’ningly sweet
She’s the trick
But she’s never the treat
She: Biggest prick
That you ever could meet
And not that kind of meat
His condom size is petite
V E R S E 3 A
Such fine manners
So fine, you can’t notice
Holds open the door
To squeeze himself through
He says, “excuse me”
When he finishes burping
He flushes easily
When I remind him to
V E R S E 3 B
He: People like her
People like her repulse me
But I put myself second
Her money comes first
Both: And that’s my champion
My champion loser
Why should I settle
For anyone but the worst?
R E F R A I N 3
She: And I so terribly love him
Although off a bridge I could shove him
He: And I so terribly love her
Though her face ought to come with a cover
She: A sight for sore eyes
He: But an eye-sore to see
She: He’s dim but devoted
He: She’s lethal but loaded
She: So jarring
He: So jolting
Both: So simply revolting
Perfectly awful
But awfully perfect
For me
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13. |
Audience Participation
04:26
|
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V E R S E 1
BRIAN: Oh, God help us!
He’s asking
“How ya all feeling tonight?”
The crowd’s responding
By shouting “Woo!”
Yet I’m sensing that something’s not right
’Cause now he’s claiming
That he can’t hear us.
But how could that even be true?
He’s quite insistent
That we all participate
Must I oblige and make the noise he wants me to?
Woo!
C H O R U S 1
Audience participation
Audience participation
I’m minding my own business here
but he won’t let me be
Why must the show include me, me, me, me, me?
Why must the show include me?
V E R S E 2
Oh, now he’s moving
He’s off the stage now
He’s making his way down the aisle.
Oh, please, dear Jesus,
Go somewhere else
If he looks over here, I won’t smile
But now he’s looming
Right above me
I can feel his hot breath, he’s so near
As he is shouting
Into the microphone
To announce that he has found his volunteer
CHORUS 2
Audience participation
Audience participation
I made myself invisible,
but somehow he could see
Why did he have to pick me, me, me, me, me?
Why did he have to pick me?
B R I D G E
Now he pulls me up on stage and asks my name
And I answer nicely trying to act cool
Soon I realize what he wants is
them to laugh at my responses
And my only purpose is to play the fool
And though he plainly doesn't need my help at all
Still he puts me to some task that he's prepared
Then he says I’m not complying
And the audience is dying
With relief that they have narrowly been spared
C H O R U S 3
Audience participation
Audience participation
I bought myself a ticket,
Yes, but I did not agree
To be humiliated
By some second-rate emcee
Why did he have to pick me?
Oh, hello, there.
PAUL: Me?
BRIAN: Yes, you.
PAUL: Hi.
BRIAN: What’s your name?
PAUL: Paul.
BRIAN: Hey, Paul, where are you from?
PAUL:Um, Los Angeles?
BRIAN: Oh, that’s an interesting place to be from, I suppose. Listen, when you get singled out in a crowd, put on the spot, does that make you feel uncomfortable at all?
PAUL: I don’t know. Hm.
BRIAN: And does your denial of feeling uncomfortable perhaps stem from some unresolved issues from childhood?
PAUL: Um, maybe?
BRIAN: Perhaps it's a deep sense of inferiority – you think you’re not worthy?
PAUL: I didn’t say that.
BRIAN: Or maybe it’s a feeling of smug superiority – you think you’re better than everyone else, don’t you, Paul?
PAUL: No…
BRIAN: Now, Paul, if you can’t be any more forthcoming, then you’ve wasted everyone’s time. And I’ll have to call on someone else. You wouldn’t want me to have to do that, now, would you?
PAUL: Sure!
BRIAN: Actually, I am going to call on someone else. I’m going to call on all of you to help me sing this song. I’ll sing the first line and you repeat it. Ready?
C H O R U S 4
Audience participation You try!
AUDIENCE: Audience participation
BRIAN: Well, that was all right… considering... Now let’s do the second line.
Audience participation
AUDIENCE: Audience participation
BRIAN: Hey, that was good! Let’s put it all together and go on. Except you won’t go on because you don’t know the rest of the lyrics. But here goes. 1-2-3-4
BRIAN & AUDIENCE: Audience participation
Audience participation
BRIAN: And now we’ve suffered long enough,
It’s time that we’re set free
And if you all concur,
Then you can join in with my plea
Why do they always pick me, me, me, me, me?
Why do they always pick me? Everybody!
BRIAN & AUDIENCE: Why do they always pick me, me, me, me, me?
Why do they always pick -
BRIAN: Take it, Paul!
PAUL: Me
BRIAN: Huh, odd choice, Paul. I was actually gonna say
Me__ But that’ll do. Paul, ladies and gentlemen.
|
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14. |
Don Knotts
00:25
|
|||
Don Knotts died today
Don Knotts died today
Don Knotts died today
Again
On Facebook
|
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15. |
WD-Forty
01:59
|
|||
I N T R O
When the gears get seized up
And nothin’ wants to move
There’s a magic potion
That makes life go down real smooth
V E R S E 1
Too much whinin’, too much bitchin’
He won’t talk, and she won’t listen
Not enough grindin’ but way too much friction
They need some dubya D forty
V E R S E 2
Not much future, too much history
She’s too touchy, and he’s too bristly
Someone should put ’em out of their misery
And get ’em some dubya D forty
B R I D G E 1
Now, some folks plain refuse to budge
And others get - impatient
When all they really needs a squirt
Of industrial lubrication
V E R S E 3
Too much takin’, and no givin’
Too much was, and too much isn’t
Indeedy she did. Uh-oh, no, he didn’t
It’s time for dubya D forty
I N S T R U M E N T A L
B R I D G E 2
Yep, that’s what helps you get unstuck
You just apply it - weekly
It’s handy in the bedroom too
When the box spring’s soundin’ creaky
V E R S E 4
She was a shrew. He was a tyrant
Now she’s supple, now he’s pliant
And we can all get us some peace and some quiet
Thanks to that dubya D forty
Thanks to that dubya D forty
Thanks to that dubya D forty
|
||||
16. |
||||
Wow!
Where do you get all your ideas?
Do you just make ’em up in your head?
Huh-huh, I guess so. Duh…
How do you come up with stuff like that?
You must be really creative.
Really?
I can never think of any ideas.
Nothing ever comes to mind.
Ha-ha-ha! That’s funny?
You know what? You should write a song about that.
|
||||
17. |
Don't Call Back
04:17
|
|||
V E R S E 1
Some band wants to play my wine bar
They’ve been calling me for months
They’re politely sending emails
Left their CD. More than once.
After checkin’ the first second of it,
Hoo-boy, does it suck!
No way’m I bookin’ that.
Not at my classy place. Good luck.
But how am I tellin’ ’em so?
Is there some way of lettin’ ’em know? Hmm… oh!
C H O R U S 1
Don’t call back, yeah, don’t call back.
They can either think I think they stink
Or their demo’s still in the stack
Don’t call back , yeah, don’t call back.
I’ll save those fifteen awkward seconds
they would put me through
And let ’em down real easy
It’s the least that I can do
’Cause when in doubt, why spell it out?
Instead just don’t call back, yeah, don’t call back, yeah, don't call back oo ooh! Don’t call back, yeah,
don’t call back, yeah, don't call back
V E R S E 2
I’ve been going with this woman
for, like, practically a year
And i’ve taken her to wine tastings
I’ve whispered in her ear
But when she says I love you
Well, I always tell her, “yep”
And it makes me wince when she drops hints
about taking it to the next step
But how can I push her away?
When I know what she wants me to say?
Hmm… hey!
C H O R U S 2
Don’t call back, just don’t call back.
She can leave a hundred messages,
I ain’t gonna be keeping track.
Don’t call back, just don’t call back.
Ignore her texts and telegrams
And cards and flowers too
I’ll piss her off so much until
she's really glad we're through
I know she’ll hear me loud and clear
Long as I don’t call back, yeah,
Don’t call back, yeah, don't call back, etc.
B R I D G E
Awkward
It’s so awkward
Trying to find the things to say
It’s much more chill to sneak away
Too much information
Why get all explicit here?
It’s not that I don’t want to see
somebody gettin’ hurt
It’s just the truth can be a little difficult to blurt
V E R S E 3
Oh, whoops! I've fallen down a well
Yes, it seems that's what I've done
Who puts a well outside a winery?
And why's it facing in the sun?
Well, the water's getting colder
and it's hard to stay afloat
I’m all alone, I’ve dropped my phone
and this screaming is hurting my throat.
I see you peer over the wall
Pretending you can’t hear me call
Hey-hey, down here, y’all!
C H O R U S 3 A
Don’t call back
Seriously? You don’t call back?
The non-chalance of your non-response
is an interesting tack
Don’t call back
All right, just don’t call back
You’re thinking to yourself
Why should this burden fall to you?
To put you on the spot
That’s such a cheeky thing to do
Why get involved? It’s easily solved if you
C H O R U S 3 B
Don’t call back, yeah, don’t call back
But if in spite of your indifference
I survive this waterloo
When I pull myself to freedom
That’s a day you’re gonna rue
I’ll settle score when I ignore
each and every one of you.
You’ll all be toast when I go ghost
and simply don’t call back, etc.
Don't call back, yeah, don't call back.
I don't call back.
|
||||
18. |
A Man with No Foible
03:41
|
|||
I N T R O
Most people have one or two
And some people have quite a few
Such idiosyncrasies
But I do not have one of these
V E R S E 1
This one will repeat word “Achoo!”
anytime she feels a sneeze coming on
That one always leaves the door ajar and talks to you when he is using the john
The other one, on catching her reflection,
will purse her lips and arch her brow
and flare her nostrils like a horse
P R E – C H O R U S 1
But that doesn’t make them jerks
They’ve just got their little quirks
And everybody has them. Well, that is,
except for me, of course.
C H O R U S 1
For I___ am a man with no foible
I___ am a completely enjoyable
Guy___ with no need for allowance, excuse or alibi
Oh, I___ am a man with no foible
Not a foible__ have I
V E R S E 2
One tells me that I eat like a pig,
I wolf my food so fast, I’ll probably choke
One says I re-phrase the funny
comments that she makes
like I came up with the joke
The other says I’m arrogant and snooty
As when I demonstrate the music that he likes
is only noise
P R E – C H O R U S 2
But despite these glaring flaws
I forgive them their faux pas
I overlook their failings,
For not everyone can have my poise
C H O R U S 1
As I___ am a man with no foible
I’m___ made of a mettle unalloyable
Try___ and you’ll find no shortcomings
or frailties to descry
Oh, I___ am a man with no foible.
Not a foible___ have I
B R I D G E
Well, yes, I tie my shoes when I get nervous
But just because I want to
Yes, I clutch my testes on the subway
For something to hold onto
Sure, I hide my boogers in the sofa
But everybody does that
I own up to foul deeds I do
Oh, god, that smell! Who was that?
Sure, I use a steak knife when I pick my teeth.
But only after eating
I only spoil movies that I’ve seen
’cause otherwise it would be cheating.
I give my friends the blow-by-blow of all my dreams
’cause mine are entertaining
I like to piss on other people’s legs, but I would
never claim it’s raining
P R E – C H O R U S 3
Despite what anybody thinks
I have no tics or faults or kinks
And as for those who claim I do
I say they ought to go see shrinks
C H O R U S 3
Yes, I ___ am a man with no foible
I___ guess unless you’re annoyable
by___ something I do that bugs you
for no good reason why
Oh, I ___ am a man with no foible
Not a foible___ have I
Have I_____
|
||||
19. |
||||
The worst song on the album
There's always got to be one
Prove me wrong
|
||||
20. |
||||
Women!
Know what I’m sayin’?
Forget about it.
Know what I mean?
It’s like, I don’t know, ya know, I don’t know.
Gimme a break.
Pardon me.
I know it’s none of my business, but I think you got a problem.
Want to know what your problem it?
Women.
I hope you don’t mind my sayin’ so.
I just call ’em like I see ’em.
You gotta understand something:
Every woman is always,
“Can we talk?”
We she can talk all she wants…. Obviously.
Talk is cheap.
But like they say, “Actions is louder than words”
You said that right!
Got nothin’ to say, why say it?
Shut up already.
You’re talkin’ a lot but you ain’t sayin’ anything.
Know what I mean?
Women!
What can ya do?
I’m tellin’ ya…
Go figure.
It’s like, I don’t know, ya know, I don’t know.
Tell me about it!
And what’s with women?
They’re always complaining about us.
Like we’re all the same.
“Men this, men that!”
Don’t look at me, honey1
I didn’t make the rules
I meant, a man’s gotta do what a man’s….
Ya know, and like that.
What does she expect?
You’re only human.
Now don’t get me wrong.
I love women
I mean, I’m not like…
Hey… Okay?
I mean, no way.
Watch it!
But you can take it too far.
Like that story -- that guy, that big shot,
and that girl -- you know the famous pair.
At first they’re all like [kissing sound].
Puhlease…
Look at ’em now.
She’s givin’ him grief.
He’s like whatever.
She’s outta here.
Guess who pays?
Hello!
What’s up with that?
Women!
Yeah, right?
Believe me.
What can I say?
It’s like, I don’t know, ya know, I don’t know.
Whatever.
Now, I know what you’re thinkin’?
Who is this guy?
What does he know from women?
I know, believe me, I know
But you don’t have to take my advice.
Don’t listen to me.
Hey, but before ya go, I was wonderin’:
You know anyplace around here that’s good to meet girls?
For some reason, I keep shtrikin’ out.
Can you believe it?
Women!
Know what I’m sayin’?
For get about it
Know what I mean?
It’s like, I don’t know, ya know, I don’t know.
Say that again!
Gimme a break!
|
||||
21. |
You Rock
00:16
|
|||
You rock
You piece of dirt
You clump of earth
Unprecious stone
That children kick
And cavemen knock
You rock
|
||||
22. |
You're Like Hitler
04:01
|
|||
I N T R O
Brian: When I’m in an argument
That doesn’t go my way
I trot out my trusty tactic
That always wins the day
C H O R U S 1
If you say something
I disagree with
You're like Hitler
V E R S E 1 A
You liberals want to force us
to get medically insured
That’s like socialism
and the Nazis used that word
Free contraception
That's eugenics
Just like Hitler
V E R S E 1 B
You’re pushing for big government
To regulate the banks
What’s next? Invading Poland
with two thousand Panzer tanks?
First Glass-Steagall
Then the Anschluss
Just like Hitler
C H O R U S 2
You say something
I disagree with
You're like Hitler
Everybody!
Audience: (You’re like Hitler)
Brian: Very good!
You say something
I disagree with
You're like Hitler
Audience: (You’re like Hitler)
Brian: You say something
I disagree with
You're like Hitler
Audience: (You’re like Hitler)
Brian: You guys are great at following orders!
V E R S E 2 A
You conservatives are scheming
to put prayer back into school
That’s a slippery slope
to having single party rule
A moment of silence
leads to fascism
Just like Hitler
V E R S E 2 B
You want to ban abortions,
and a woman’s right to choose
Next thing you know,
why, you’ll be gassing all the Jews
Pro-life politics
Same as the Holocaust
You’re like Hitler
B R I D G E
First they came for the off-shore tax havens
But I was not an off-shore tax haven,
So I said nothing.
C H O R U S 3
You said something
I disagree with
You're like Hitler
Audience: (You’re like Hitler)
V E R S E 3 A
Brian: You say not to call you Hitler,
the analogy’s unfair
You say it’s like what Goebbels did.
I see what you did there
I called you Hitler
You called me Hitler
That’s so Hitler
V E R S E 3 B
And when someone who is
actually like Hitler comes along
What warning can I sound
that is adequately strong?
I know! Mussolini!
No one will believe me
’Cause they’re like Hitler
C H O R U S 4
You said something
We disagree with
You're like Hitler
Audience: (You’re like Hitler)
E X T E N S I O N
Brian: You’re like Hitler
Audience: (You’re like Hitler)
Brian: No, you're like Hitler
Audience: (You’re like Hitler)
Brian: Hitler!
|
||||
23. |
Flashmob!
00:15
|
|||
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-ow
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-ow
Hey, everybody, it’s a flashmob!
Flashmob!
|
||||
24. |
I Hold Your Hand in Mine
01:27
|
|||
I hold your hand in mine dear
I press it to my lips
I take a healthy bite from your dainty fingertips
My joy would be complete dear
if you were only here
But still I keep your hand as a precious souvenir
The night you died I cut it off
I really don't know why
For now each time I kiss it
I get blood stains on my tie
I'm sorry now I killed you
For our love was something fine
Until they come to get me,
I shall hold your hand in mine
|
||||
25. |
Hey Guys
02:38
|
|||
Hey what’s up guys. This is Ray Zapronak from Ray Z Tutorials?
Today I’m gonna go ahead and show you how to use the Vocoder effect in Logic Pro X. The Vocoder effect allows you to go ahead and transform your voice to the sound of a instrument, or transform your instrument to the sound of a voice. It’s that robot voice effect you always hear sometimes.
They say there are supposably some other third party standalone Vocoders that are supposably better than Logic’s? But this is like super convenient. Plus, honestly, I never tried those other ones, so save that for a later tutorial. Haha. LOL.
Okay.
So, first thing you’re gonna wanna go ahead and do is, is you’re gonna wanna go ahead and make sure you have a piece of audio to work with. I sometimes usually always just use my own voice.
So the very next thing you’re gonna wanna do is you’re gonna wanna go ahead and bring up a new software instrument. You can easily go ahead and do that by just going ahead and selecting this button right here.
Next you’re gonna wanna go ahead and scroll down and select the EVOC 20 PS Synth Vocoder and choose stereo output. Remember not to skip that step. I sometimes never remember to choose stereo, so I sometimes always have to go back and select it again. Literally.
Now first thing you’re gonna wanna go ahead and do is you’re gonna wanna go ahead and sidechain the signal.
Sidechain sounds complicated but it’s just a technical term for how sidechain a signal.
That’s turnt up.
And hey, we’re pretty much almost all the way there to get this set up. So, now the very next thing you’re gonna wanna do is you’re gonna wanna go ahead and find the sound that you wanna go ahead and use for vocoding. I’ve chosen this rad synth sound with some cool chord changes I laid down earlier.
Next thing we’re gonna wanna do is you wanna go over to our signal area? And make sure we have VOC selected. I’m gonna go ahead and hit play.
’N’ that’s it. I hope this helps you get to achieve the final net end results you’re looking for using the Vocoder effect.
Okay guys, thanks for watching. And please subscribe to my YouTube page, Ray Z tutorials. Later.
|
||||
26. |
Care About Cancer
00:20
|
|||
Share this song if you care about cancer
Pass it along if you care about cancer
For if you don’t share
Then you’re not aware
And you don’t really care about cancer
|
||||
27. |
The Best Ever
04:16
|
|||
V E R S E 1
Those were the best pancakes ever
Better than the ones I had last week
Better than those amazing ones that everybody was raving about for years
Better than the ones from the really popular restaurant that was voted as having the best pancakes of 2004
Better even than the pancakes I had the first time I ever had pancakes in my entire life
Those were good. But they’re nothing compared to the ones I just had
C H O R U S
The best ever
The best ever
The best
Ever
V E R S E 2
My mom's the best mom ever.
After an exhaustive survey of all living mothers and all mothers that have ever lived.
Billions and billions of mothers.
It turns out my mom is better at being a mother than all other mothers.
Imagine that!
Your mom sucks,
by comparison.
I mean statistically.
And actually.
CHORUS
V E R S E 3
That was the best sex ever.
Better than all those other times I told you that was the best sex ever.
And everybody else I ever told that was the best sex ever.
And better than every time anybody else who ever had sex said that was the best sex ever.
This time was it.
Doesn't get any better than that.
B R I D G E
Like I say to my BFFs, you're the best.
Then I say the same to all the rest.
V E R S E 4
This is the best country ever.
The greatest country on earth.
I know because this is where I live.
It's so obvious from my point of view that I don't even have to think about it.
That's what makes it so great.
Those other countries think they’re so special.
Go around talking about how great they think they are.
We’ll show ’em how great they are.
Don't push it.
CHORUS
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Brian Woodbury Los Angeles, California
Brian Woodbury is a Los Angeles composer, lyricist and bandleader who writes musicals, post-modern jazz compositions, quirky pop, country songs and music for children's TV.
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